We celebrated Figlia's third birthday at a local school for the visually impaired, and a birthday lunch. The only thing that mattered to Figlia was the cake, and she had it. And gifts, and she had them too. Celebrating this particular birthday the way we did, I suddenly realized what I want to do with the too-many teddy bears that we have back at our home in UsualCity. She got most of them as gifts in her last birthday, and well, she isn't playing with most of them.
I will most likely give it away at a local place where they school and help special children.
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Breastfeeding is not going well for me. Whatever I was able to give to Figlia, I am just not able to give to M.
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I am simultaneously yearning for and dreading the eventual return to UsualCity. In the coming week, I am going to apply for an open-ended extension to my leave from office. My leave ends on March 1, but there is no way I can join then. I want to keep it open-ended because I am not ready to commit a date, and at this point of time, anything appears to be unrealistic. Till I settle down with baby and Figzy, I just do not want to go back.
And oh, I will go back because I am not SAHM material at all. And I can afford to keep help/think of daycare only if I am also bringing come chips home.
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M has a little bit of 'toy' status for Figlia. If she is pressing something on me to do, and I tell her that the baby is on me currently, she asks me to just put the baby down and listen to her first.
She loves the baby, kisses him on her own, but I have to continuously supervise that. One time, she was trying to open his fist, and doing it a bit hard; the other time she just kept her hand on his chest (without any heed to the pressure applied) to be able to reach his other cheek.
I am often getting stressed and romanticizing SAHM status, and fantasizing about quitting my job, especially with all the medical visits/issues we have. But I am always stopped by the fact that I am NOT SAHM material. If I absolutely had to do it, I would, but I worry so much about my future ability to earn, because of my health, and know that the time is now to work and save, so plug along I go.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that breastfeeding is not going well. That's always a difficult place to be.
ReplyDeleteTake a little time to get used to things - but maybe set a date, so you have a goal to work towards?