Ugh

This one is a paradoxical post. It's not too tough to compose and write it, and yet it is not easy for me to put it here. I am only sharing it here with the purpose of a vent-out. 

Figzy has always been a  spirited child. She has been determined, and very active for whatever while that I have raised her. She is four days away from being 27 months old. She has always been very independent as well. 

I can't feed her ever since she realized that she could do it herself. Our pram cum stroller went out of fashion the day she learnt to get down from it. Nowadays, with varying dexterity she can wear and take off various items of clothing. She began choosing clothes a while ago. She is confident and chirpy.

(The following points may appear disjointed, but just bear with me.)

She has been extremely irritable (on a scale of 1 - 10, I would give it 9). I ascribe it to her recent sickness, but overall it has been grating my nerves.

The setup at home is dynamite. DH who breezes home at 8:30 p.m. has been turning in later than usual. Figzy suffers some kind of adrenaline rush when she sees him at the door. She is all over him. DH wants to unwind, and she's in a mix of fatigue, hunger and the spurt of excitement. I wonder why (cue *sarcasm*) he is so surprised at the frequent meltdowns she dishes these days.

I hate the fact that DH is working through the week, and does not stay home on weekends as well. 

Figzy has been hitting me, as in slapping me for every meltdown she has. Saturday evening, in a fit of irritation, she insisted on sitting in my lap, and then she slapped me. Because it was not to her satisfaction, she slapped me again. 

She can come up with odd requests and I don't know what to do. In yesterday noon's nap, I was sleeping with her. She woke up crying, and made me pick her up and stay standing. She would cry if I sat. I stood with her in my arms for a while, and thankfully when she had slipped back into slumber, I did make her lie down.

DH and I have to pre-empt whether to help her or not and how much to help her. She opens his laptop bag and shows to DH that she wants it. DH removes the laptop. She takes out the charger. Figzy is now confident enough to take out the laptop, and yesterday in sheer spontaneity, DH removed the charger from the bag and carried it to the laptop. It greatly upset Figzy and she tried to throw the laptop which we prevented. That made her madder at us.

Similarly, she has on old notebook in which she draws and scribbles. DH turned the page on which she was about to draw for he felt that it was already scribbled on, and all he intended was to open a fresh leaf. Figzy tore the page, and refused to draw in it any further. You can't do anything that is beyond the script she wants.

Figzy does not pay attention if she does not want to. I know she can hear me, but she will choose to do whatever she is doing without paying any heed to what I am saying.

I feel out of depth more often than not. I know that (and I hope) that these days will pass, but my anxiety is through the roof sometimes. DH can't be persuaded to listen to me. Figzy can't be persuaded to listen either. 

She is quite sharp for her age. Like I told you once before, she can identify fighter planes, and I am so awed at this thing. 

What I find deeply insulting is when DH has occasionally ladled me with:

"You spend only two hours alone with her, and I spend three hours with her. And still you are so harried?"

(He is counting the time I bring her from the daycare to the point he arrives. I usually go to sleep around 10:15 p.m.. Figzy hangs out with her Dad for a longer while in the night.)

I have never understood what the apt response to this comment from him was (except that I shake my head with disbelief). Last week, I told him that it was the stupidest comparison that he could have made. Figzy starts talking of her dad a big while before he is due to come home, and now with him coming 45 minutes beyond his due time, it drives her up the wall. He did not say much after that, but he hasn't turned up any early.