I have been on the mend.
I am not sure if that sense did escape my previous posts, but I have just passed a good dose of the blues. I cannot pin-point what triggered it, but a multitude of otherwise small things made it worse, and it wasn't good when I was in the thick of it.
I am much, much better now. And two big things happened over the last couple of weeks.
The first thing was that I deleted Whats.app from my cell phone. It was an instant sigh of relief. The other thing was that I started a "Swami" kind of book - a first of its kind for me. (I despise reading motivational and/or Paulo Coelho-ish and/or all that Guruji blather books)
The latter thing led me to exploring Chakra meditation, and I haven't loss steam on it till now.
- - -
Reference in a different line of conversation led me to think a person I was once close to. I haven't been in touch with her for years now. But we have mutual friends, and that leads snippets of her life into my ears. And in my dictionary, she is one of the girls I put under the category of fertility-insults.
She is addicted to a tobacco based substance. Her first kid came unexpected. Her second kid was planned. She had no problems in conception or carrying her pregnancies to term. She did not give up on her addiction even when she was carrying. Bottomline was that she had no trouble in conceiving.
A lot of couples around me who are either expecting or parenting had hardly a challenge in the conception department. And I look at them and wonder in the variants of,
"You know, it is so easy."
or
"It could be this easy."
or
"It does not have to be tough."
And then I realize that I am blessed differently - easy peasy is not my pet style.
I thank the Universe for the awe that it is. On my car ride home last evening, I noticed that it was close to dusk already. And that it had been morning and hence day when I was travelling to my office.
The earth had rotated on its axis and I did not even acknowledge or note it. It did so every day with no help from me, and yet I hardly noticed the phenomenon.
Things have mechanics whose intricacies are a marvel in themselves. My uterus is a marvel too. I have carried two babies (that I know of) in it, and maybe I will never repeat that feat, but I did it. Nothing changes the fact that I did it.
I'm glad you're feeling better. And the last line stuck with me.
ReplyDeleteStill thinking of you.
Nothing lasts forever, neither the pain nor the happiness. It feels very nice to leave the down part behind and go up again though. Especially after a nasty 'down'.
ReplyDeleteI too have moments in my days when. I wonder at the miracles that go unnoticed so often, because I am too busy keeping balls in the air while riding my daily hampster wheel. I am glad for having them, they bring perspective, and perspective is something I often misplace.
Glad you're feeling better. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI think that modification of thinking is a helpful thing - that's probably why the US went from referring to people as "handicapped" to referring to them as "special needs." It's not wrong - it's just different. I like the concept, because it signifies that it's NOT that you have nothing to offer, it's that you have things to offer that are out of the norm. Different is good. Just not easier.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're feeling better...