There is a looming trip in the days ahead, the kind I want to take but am worked up about because it involves about 14 hours of travelling alone with an active toddler who is well, active. No, DH can't join me on any side, neither to the destination, nor will he accompany when we come back, so this could be very painful.
The easiest way out is to decide on not to go, and that is the option I am strongly inclined on, but it would entail my missing out on number of things that currently appear important to me. Some family members have not met Figlia yet, and this would be a good chance for acquaintance but it is not happening if I do not go.
I am also looking into finding some route that can either cut down the travel time, or make it easier. Let's see if that happens.
And then, I just spent the early half of this week alone with the kid, because DH had to unexpectedly go out of town for a couple of days. I was very nervous about it, but it has gone on smoother than I expected.
Even though I have a nagging feeling of unhappiness over his long working hours, the trip only underlined how much relief I feel every day at the fact that eventually he would come home, and take charge.
My jumpy cat temperament has gone down quite a bit. My continual anxiety about raising my child, and all the issues that keep happening on a daily basis has also diminished. I feel better, because with time, and experience I understand how everything re-aligns itself.
I still have not reached the stage of indulgence that a number of my mum-colleagues have achieved, and I am hoping that eventually in a few years, I will also see myself doing things, and planning stuff that feels too much of a luxury at this point of time currently.
When I did not have my children (could not get myself to type child), there were things I could do without much thought or so. Now, to find low-activity pockets is a matter of careful scheduling, and they are controlled too.
Figzy is doing well in the language department. She is also doing well in terms of new behaviour, though I have a hard time telling her about how not to do things or what is not acceptable. for eg hitting me is not acceptable...and that will happen when I have missed all the clues of her being tired or sleepy, or for not indulging her in something that would have eventually hurt her (she was recently upset with me for not letting her play with a lit incense stick).
And then she will stroke my cheeks spontaneously to show me love, or keep her hand on mine when she is asleep, and I am thoroughly mushed.
Driving or flying? It took E and I took an 11 hour plane trip when he was one. and then several five hour flights. It was exhausting but doable. You can do it mama!
ReplyDeleteYou will probably be surprised that traveling is easier than you imagine. First, you just schedule activity breaks - I don't know how you're traveling, but there must be some time when she can get up and wander around. For the rest of the time, just take a bunch of small toys that will entertain her and ration them out, one by one. Finally, try to schedule as much of the traveling time during times when she would normally be sleeping. It might be difficult for you, but she will be easier to travel with. You can handle it! And your anxiety will continue to ease as time goes on and things seem more predictable.
ReplyDeleteI liked telling my daughter that things were unacceptable - she wasn't bad or wrong, the behavior was just unacceptable. I was also pretty diligent about keeping anything breakable/dangerous out of her reach - even if it meant putting it away in a locked cabinet for a couple years. :)
My vote is to take the trip! It can be intense traveling with a toddler, but in my experience it's always worth it in the end. I only regret the trips i DIDN'T take, you know?
ReplyDeleteBest advice for correcting behavior is to talk it out. We say, "Stella, please don't hit Mommy BECAUSE..." It's amazing how much they understand really.
Good luck with your traveling! We're about to leave on a long-travel trip this afternoon -- 7 hours of train across Germany and the Netherlands, then the overnight ferry to the UK, then, luckily, only about an hour on the train in the morning, and then about a week later the reverse. Thank goodness much of the trip will be at night when none of us have to be awake!
ReplyDeleteI found it amazing how quickly Gwen learned that certainly behaviors, e.g., biting and hitting, were unacceptable. This doesn't always mean that she can stop herself before doing it, but as soon as she does, she expresses contrition, by asking "Hug?" and then yes of course, I melt.
It would be easier to just not go, but then you would miss opportunities to meet people you want to, and F would miss an opportunity to learn how to behave when travelling. It is only by doing that they learn.
ReplyDeleteThe behaviour things, you just have to parrot them to the walls, it would seem for a long time, until one time when they just get it, and correct their behaviour, and then you are left gobsmacked. And proud of yourself and your parenting skills. Until something else comes up. Keep telling her right from wrong, it is not useless, even though it often seems so.