Since I haven't overshared already about my mental yo-yo on wanting another child, here is a detailed breakdown on what my latest electrifying breaking-news decision is. Some elements of my decision are what they always were, and some elements are modified (obviously yet again, and again and again).
Fixed/As Before - I am on Metformin/Aspirin already, and I will not discontinue it (till my deadline) mostly because my body is now adjusted to it.
Fixed/ As Before - Since, I have always alluded to some mental deadline for TTC but never mentioned it here, I need to be specific and loud in what that personal deadline is. If not pregnant by my 37th birthday, I will discontinue Metformin/Aspirin and give up on TTC completely.
I need to know when to get down this roller-coaster or I will fuse my entire remaining fertile life on the pursuit of this. If I did not mention the deadline, you know what I will do? Sneak in 6 month increments to the deadline, and believe I am fooling fate/karma/my body/anybody. Because if no one knows except me, I can do anything and get away with it.
I need to know when to get down this roller-coaster or I will fuse my entire remaining fertile life on the pursuit of this. If I did not mention the deadline, you know what I will do? Sneak in 6 month increments to the deadline, and believe I am fooling fate/karma/my body/anybody. Because if no one knows except me, I can do anything and get away with it.
Changed - Passive TTC from this point on for the remaining year (2013), and active TTC in 2014. That will ensure I do not walk around sour-faced for the latter half of my cycle, if I am too wiped to keep up and hence can't keep up but still feel guilty about not being able to keep up. It also means that I am more relaxed.
Fixed - I could still change my mind. Cue: I am a woman.
LOL. I know all about sneaking extra months in (years in my case, and IVF!)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with it I hope #3 comes your way <3
You make me laugh... Sneaking in 6 month increments, making a plan with a finale of "I could still change my mind."
ReplyDeleteMuch luck on this quest...
You made me laugh about the sneaking 6 months in and being a woman, so you might still change your mind. I can relate :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I can relate. I had a mental deadline of 40 but told myself I could change my mind. I surprised myself by not changing my mind.
ReplyDeleteI am a decision maker, fairly decisive person and honor my commitments to myself. But nothing made a liar out of me more than that moveable deadline.
ReplyDeleteWe started trying for #1 when I was 38, had him just shy of my 40th birthday and had #2 when I was 46.5. 'Nuff said.
GOOD LUCK and be kind to yourself along the way.
It's not easy being you, eh? :-)
ReplyDeleteBest of luck, dear, and I hope your hopping on this side of your decision and the other will not be painful.
I think a mental deadline is good. If by any chance should a surprise come after that, you will deal with that when/if that comes.
I am visiting from ICLW. I am in a similar position to you, we have baby #1 and thinking about baby #2. (And also using Metformin and Aspirin to get there...) I agree, I have a set schedule, I don't want this to keep goin like last time. I can totally relate!
ReplyDeleteJess (blog #43 & 44 on ICLW list...)
I change my mind every cycle. We aren't going to try that cycle. Then when i know I'm about to ovulate, it's game on. Then I promise myself I won't do that again the next cycle. But it's just like washing your hair. Lather, rinse, repeat. Regret ttc, swear not to do it again... Repeat.
ReplyDeleteBut like you said. We are women. And that trumps the best laid plans.
Good luck to you!!
(here from ICLW)