Dear Aunt Crabbie,
I am just a typical 30-something balancing work, house and a not-so newborn. Along the way, I have dealt with infertility and neonatal loss as well. My daughter was not well, and recovery could not be rushed, so I sent her to be with my parents for a while, where they are taking adorable care of her. She is doing well, and I have in a year, finally charted the territory of sleeping all night long. Hubby works long hours, and does so for entire week on the go. I keep getting anxiety attacks about how to best take care of the girl. I have been able to go back to work only because I found a daycare that was sufficiently okay. I wish, I wouldn't have had to send her there, and that there was family close by that would look after her. I am grated by the idea that after she comes next week, my sleeping will go back to hell. And my anxiety attacks will resume. I have thought of the idea of leaving my job, but hubby is not supportive of that idea and frankly, I have not been able to completely understand the ramification of the same. I have never considered myself to be a SAHM, but it seems a valid way for me to not feel inadequate in every other arena I am delving in. If I try to apply for unpaid leave, I cannot do so till April-end, because I have a certain organizing responsibility on my head. If I can last till April, would I still need help at home with her? I no longer feel like the independent woman I used to feel like. Friends who have been down this way tell me that I have hope, and that eventually my kid will grow up enough for me to stop popping my nose through my eyeballs (I totally made that phrase up). My parents are willing to take my daughter in, but they live in a different city, and I will be unable to see her on a daily basis. DH is not willing for this, and he thinks it is our responsibility to raise our kid. My issue is with the definition of 'our'. If I get a nanny, I am not willing to leave my kid alone in the house with the nanny. My parents cannot uproot their routine life and permanently stay here. Let's not go into the territory of his parents. I have no idea, but this is definitely getting rambly. Do you edit agony aunt submissions for content or length? I hope you will read this as a whole and then answer it.
Dear Elsie,
ReplyDeleteI will write you an email, since blogspot freezes me out whenever my reply gets wittier.
You are not alone. And everything will be fine.
Hugs.
Hugs to you. This sounds like a response to some negativity you got regarding your choice. If so I hope you know that most people here know you are doing the best you can with what you have.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't started daycare yet - but I feel for you... I definitely don't want to leave Timothy with a nanny, feeling daycare to be a better option. How you juggle all of it and try and be an independent woman with something like a career on the go? I don't know. We shall see. I have never considered myself to be a SAHM - and after 11 months with the baby at home, I am fairly sure this is not for me. I love him dearly, but I can't do this as a full-time thing for much longer. And, well, financially that won't be much fun - once my matleave money stop coming in...
ReplyDeleteI am sure as Figlia keeps growing, things will get easier. She will keep getting more independent, her immune system will keep getting stronger, and your night sleep will keep improving.
Hang in there!!
It will get better as she gets older, it really will. Different challenges will present but you will learn how to tackle those as well. If it were me I would go back to work and she would go back to daycare unless you feel like she was neglected or abused. You're making due with what you can.
ReplyDelete(*hugs*) I typed a long response, but my computer ate it. I'm sorry for how difficult things are right now. I think that things will get easier as she gets older, but right now it's a lot to deal with.
ReplyDeleteIt's a difficult choice. If you don't have support for quitting your job, it absolutely will not work. So, if you really want to, you'll have to talk the husband into it. But, if the daycare is OK, and you can muddle through for a while, and if Figlia stays healthy, you'll figure out a rhythym. That first year is virtually impossible - here's my story. I was on leave from work where I would work 2 days a week. My MIL watched my girl overnight on those 2 days because my husband was working out of town. But, because my MIL was watching my girl overnight, my FIL said she could only do it every other week or so. Basically, I took a lot of time off. I didn't do much at work. I was home most of the time and still couldn't manage to clean the house, cook, mow the lawn (I actually had to hire someone to do that) or do anything other than hang out with my daughter and play on the internet when she was sleeping. So what you're doing is very complex and exhausting. Keep that in mind. It will get easier. She will sleep differently. You will get used to sleeplessness or you will get more sleep. It will be OK.
ReplyDeleteit gets better, i swear.
ReplyDelete