I was peculiarly struck by the suggestion that my struggle must partly arise from the fact that Figlia is a girl. That maybe, it would have been easier if Figlia had been a boy.
The truth is that I have never thought of this before. I am acutely conscious of how almost-colliding their birthdays (Figlia's and CBub's) are, but the gender similarity never really bleeped so high in my consciousness.
And not in terms of loss, but I was relieved to have a girl when Figlia came in my life. Again, not as a replacement to who I lost before, but the fact was that I always did want a daughter.
Maybe the gender is also an undercurrent to what I feel. I never explored that before, till your words came to my post.
Thank you.
Very interesting...
ReplyDeleteI never thought what having a daughter would feel like. I always thought I would have boys - and I do.
I hope my comment hasn't caused you any angst honey, but I was just thinking to myself how it would effect me knowing that I was watching my one daughter grow up in an almost identical parallel universe to my other daughter. Or my one son vs my other son hypothetically. I think it would effect me in ways I couldn't imagine.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you got the daughter you always wanted, but am also deeply saddened that you didn't get the other daughter you've always wanted.
Thinking of you always & sending love and light.
xxx
Interesting insight...
ReplyDeletei'm sorry you don't have cbub but glad that you have figlia and had she been a boy, i don't think it would have made things any easier or harder, it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of a conversation I had with someone several years ago. She and her husband had a son who died when he was a pre-teen or young teenager. Some years later, they had a second son. She told me that she was very grateful that in the first months of his life, he did not resemble his older brother, though he later came to look very similar. She said she thought it would have been hard for her if they had looked the same as babies, but later, when they did look alike, she already knew the second one as his own person and their similarity did not effect her so much.
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