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And More Spew

Continued in a huge sense from my last post....

I seemed to be on a perpetual sense of alert - standing on pins and needles all the time. I was scared that she would not sleep. I was afraid that she was about to wake up. I have stared through the darkness for a full half hour thinking she was about to wake up, when she actually did so much later.

The anxiety was within me.

It has taken invisible pills to calm me down.

- - -

I consider this phase as the exam time analogy (which you would know from one of my old posts). This will be better.

And every day I am rewarded by a baby who responds and smiles to my actions.

Marvel !

- - -

I always dreamt of being medicine free after this baby business. Currently, that dream remains a dream.

I want to go back to the me who did not need medicines for random stuff on a daily basis.


- - -

I still think of the babies I saw in the NICU when I visited Figlia. The corner baby with whom my baby orchestrated a crying symphony (they were partners!), and this baby who had a thick mop of hair on his head so beautiful. I wonder if they all went home?

 - - -

Figlia turns to her side, but she has not gone on belly on her own. I guess that is coming soon.

Comments

  1. Stacie1 June 2012 at 11:52

    Many hugs to you. (((hugs)))

    You know, it was when my boys were about Figlia's age that my anxiety peaked. It did subside after a few weeks (thankfully).

    Congrats on the Dr., Dr. Elsie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. areyoukiddingme2 June 2012 at 03:37

    I hope the anxiety subsides soon. And that you have no need for medication soon too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mrs. Gamgee2 June 2012 at 07:15

    I lay in bed while little Pip sleeps in his cradle a few feet away and I listen for his breathing. And if Ginny sleeps in longer than usual I feel that same anxiety creeping in. You aren't alone.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jamie4 June 2012 at 07:11

    I didn't know anxiety was going to be such a staple of motherhood but it sounds like we all have it. For the longest time, I would think, "I'll stop worrying when . . ." Of course, when that thing happens I just find something else to worry about.

    Hugs to you, friend.

    ReplyDelete

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