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Soddy....tear a page kind

I have been a bit messed up these past couple of days. For one, I am having dead baby thoughts, which does wonderful things to the mood, and second, these irrational poppies that have grown inside my brain are full-on joy too.

More than the dead baby thing, it is the irrational poppies that are the bigger stinker really. I am glad my brother's wedding is in December and not tomorrow, because boy, I would not be able to handle it tomorrow.

I can't elaborate on what it is that I am so worked up about because I am sure it will come out weirder or more frivolous than what it is to me. I am going to be missing CheekyBub big time.

Can you believe it? I am worked up just by thinking of missing her at an event in December! December! And an event which is not for me! 

And she won't be there whether I think of it or not, but that does not mean that I don't think it.

And I realize how easy it is to peel off the normal cover and get blown off like this.

I was the stimuli, I was the response.

Comments

  1. Anonymous11 August 2011 at 18:43

    It's so powerful that sentence: "I was the stimuli, I was the response."

    I still read everything you post, just haven't commented much recently. Thinking of you all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nadine11 August 2011 at 19:27

    A normal response to an abnormal event. Babies aren't suppose to die, not after this long fight to being them into the world.

    If you are sick of the irrational poppies there are methods, that work, that you could use. Two that work well are the concentrated worrying, so setting aside a specific time, depending how big the thought is, 5 to 10 minutes, per hour, say from quarter to the hour tot the top of the hour, and during that time all you can do is worry, and obsess and think through every irrational thought you have. Catch is you can only do it during that time, so any other time during the hour, you have to push it aside until it's the official worry time.
    After a few days the amount or time each hour diminishes until you no longer need it..

    I have other ideas too but don't want to post a huge comment.

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Quiet Dreams11 August 2011 at 22:40

    It makes sense to me that your brother's wedding is hanging over you like this. There is an entire ocean underneath that "normal cover" isn't there?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kristin11 August 2011 at 23:21

    You know we love you and you can share anything with us, right? {{{Hugs}}}

    ReplyDelete
  5. SassyCupcakes12 August 2011 at 07:10

    *hug*

    ReplyDelete
  6. areyoukiddingme12 August 2011 at 08:34

    Better to deal with these feelings now, because that will free you to have some enjoyment at the actual event.

    You are missing your girl all the time. Every event, every holiday, you will think of her and regret that she's not there. It's the way of things when something that shouldn't happen happens.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lynn12 August 2011 at 22:38

    {{{HUGS}}} Thinking of you, hun!

    ReplyDelete
  8. My New Normal13 August 2011 at 22:10

    Thank you so much for the comment on my blog post. To answer you question, of course you can release a balloon for my son after the 13th. It's amazing that you would want to help me honor him. Any time that works for you is great with me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous15 August 2011 at 02:45

    Thinking of you, I'm sure your reaction and feelings are completely justified and I hope that you aren't too hard on yourself for your feelings. CheekyBub was and always will be a part of you and honestly, it's ok for that to be very present in your life right now. It was only a short time ago and she was very very signficant and special. xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jamie16 August 2011 at 01:19

    Grief doesn't have to make sense. And I promise, we'll understand what seems like the craziest of reactions!

    Abiding with you today and everyday. Especially in December.

    ReplyDelete

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