...On the night of 19th when my breasts became hard and sore to touch, the nurses brought me hot water bottles rather than my baby. I should have known. ...Birdman was apparently away to Very Big City with our baby. Every SMS update sent to me about her after 16th Jan was fake. I was a donkey eating at his trough. I should have known. ...Visitors who came to see me in the hospital did not look me straight in the eye. I should have known. ...My mother sounded reluctant every time I asked her on a timeline on when my stitches would be cut and I could travel to Very Big City. I should have known. ...I grieved at how many pricks and tubes were affixed to my little baby while she lay cold and unfeeling at the bottom of an earth pit fatigued from all the effort she put into staying alive. I should have known. ...Family dropped clues on how oxygen deprivation could affect the brain. I spelt it out for them. I told them that Lola was my daughter even if she came out r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d from the o...
In my mind I can see how small yet perfect she was.
ReplyDeletePerfect little bundle. :)
ReplyDeleteShe was a perfect little fighter.
ReplyDeleteperfect.
ReplyDeletexoxo
beautiful.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
I love everyone's responses.
ReplyDeleteStill, I feel empty and sad.
The traces will stay with you.
ReplyDeletexxx
Perfect. xo
ReplyDeleteLittle baby. Tiny little darling.
ReplyDelete:(
I don't think you ever told me that. Thank you for sharing your traces.
ReplyDeleteSo tiny...each of these traces you tell us adds another feature to the picture in my head. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's in the details, isn't it? Her realness is in these details for you, I am thinking.
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDelete((hugs))