She is pregnant. Who is? I am.
I suddenly feel a little awkward. I did ICLW and I know from your posts that there is a certain *oh snap* that happens when you start reading my blog. Seriously, how fertile am I? Like 6 years for one, and then just two months for the other? Awesome really, right?
I just don't know what to say really. And this post will be all back and forth and nutty too.
Some of my immediate family knows.
I am not coming out on FB though. Just not mentioning the 'p' word on it at all. One reason for doing it, is that I really don't see the need to (just like last time, *cringing again*). The other reason is I want to be able to talk to, comment and receive comments like I do. I have this awesome bloggy/FB pal who disclosed to me like way late (somewhere in March or so) that she had 'hidden' my feeds for the fear of my talking about my pregnancy.
I get it, people. I know its a knife in the core. I won't talk about it there. Remaining approachable is the secondary reason I won't come out.
But just imagine, a chapter in my life is open, the details are out there for you guys when they are so out-of-reach for much of my family and IRL friends.
Oh, did I tell you that none of my IRL friends knows about this? Yeah.
DH has been away for an office trip and he will be back tomorrow. Papa will be spending the weekend with us.
I should be making the motion to get an appointment for tomorrow. Till I am here, I want to be get an ultrasound done by Dr. BS. But guess what, I haven't taken the appointment.
DH would be tired tomorrow, and I feel no hurry. This is not zen. This is numb.
My mum would be here in mid-July and I will go away to City X. I am seriously looking forward to this break. I will go off work around 6th and I want to spend some time lazing around and organizing a bit before I leave.
I was the first one in my office to join back before the maternity leave was completely up. I don't want to be the lady who comes back early from breaks. So, I hope to not see my office till atleast June. I am tired and unexcited by it really.
A lot of things are getting wrapped up in my prep to disappear for a while.
I think I will see Season on Monday. Baby, please be there.
Well, sometimes you just have to let your mind go numb and your instincts do the work for you. You need time for yourself and to get everything sorted the way you want. The real world can take care of itself when you just ignore it and take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I kind of struggle with disclosing anything about the pregnancy on FB or not. Like you said, this is something I'm so open about on my blog, but my family and closest IRL friends know so little... and I'm just not sure how to find that balance.
ReplyDeleteHave I mentioned how thankful I am that you conceived again so quickly? Cuz I am. :) Still praying every day for you and Season.
I do post about mine on FB, but usually just what complication, or if I'm still on bed rest, is it still alive... but I'm also very open about my miscarriages and, just everything. So I feel comfortable with that. But I know that everyone is different and you have to do what is best with you. You don't need to talk about it on there, I totally agree. And you have this space to talk about it, and people close to you who know. I understand feeling numb too, and I am thinking about you do much and hoping so very much that your little one is okay and just thriving and thriving in there.
ReplyDeleteOne thing we would teach our clients in my former job (the teen moms) was that many women are often very fertile the first few months after giving birth. Of course after those 6 years it is no wonder you did not expect this.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your pregnancy. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and that you have a healthy, happy pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYeah...the Facebook thing. I've often wondered what I would do about that if I ever got pregnant. I have a feeling I'd take the approach you're taking and stay quiet about it. I'm sure at some point (like maybe just before I give birth), I'd let the cat out of the bag, but something in me shies away from sharing everything on Facebook. Too scary. Too uncertain. And I know how much it hurts me to see my friends' announcements. I don't want to do the same to someone else.
Lots of luck to you. Sending you good thoughts.
ICLW
I can only imagine wanting to stay numb for a while, even happy news can be draining when you are on the edge. I am so very, very happy about you being pregnant. I sincerely hope that Season makes his/her debut at the appropriate time :) Hugs
ReplyDeleteICLW #118 Tracey here from thefertilitydaily.
ReplyDeleteBlogs are nature's way of giving us a place to share what we want to hide from facebook friends. Blogs are for long, emotional heart-breaking stories told to supportive like-minded "stranger-friends". Facebook is for shallow, fun stuff...no one goes there for major downer posts. It's almost an unwritten rule, I think. Here you have your infertile audience who gets it better than most people you really know.
I hope you have a happy ending. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Thinking of you. One day at a time xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting and commenting on my blog. I can only imagine the unexcitement and numbness you must be going through right now. I can't imagine being happy either, just uneasy and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on "crossing over". I hope everything goes well and just remember to take one day at a time.
Jonelle #11
ICLW, I'm so sorry for you loss, that must have been just awful to go through. haven't read too much else here (but will!) so atm not sure what your year off is.
ReplyDeleteHa, you nailed me "oh snap" so I have to keep reading! Seriously, all the very best of the best with this pregnancy
It's also a bit self-protective to keep things quiet. You wouldn't have to untell if something went wrong. I'm hoping that you will soon get to the point where you feel comfortable talking about the pregnancy, because you're more confident. But I know it will take quite a while to reach that level of comfort. I hope City X is good for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by at my blog. Congratulations are in order I see. I know you've been through a lot, but I'm sure all will be well this time around. May you keep well through your pregnancy and have a healthy and lovely baby :)
ReplyDeleteICLW # 143
Congratulations! Wishing you the best, and I completely agree with a previous commenter, it is self-protective to keep this quiet, until you are ready to share.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from ICLW
Say whatever you need to say to be comfortable.
ReplyDeleteDon't say whatever you need to not say to be
comfortable.
The important thing my friend is do what works for you.
{{{Hugs}}}, love, and prayers coming your way.
Thank you for your comment on my blog. I wish you the best with your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteYou sound really together in this post. It sounds like going to City X is the right thing for you and will allow you to take some time for yourself to relax!
ReplyDeleteWill Birdman be coming with you? (Sorry if I missed this detail in a previous post.)
Sharing or not sharing...you must do what feels right for you. :)
ReplyDeleteyou have to do what is right for you, and put yourself first. I hope all goes well this time.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! This is amazing news, and I know it's bittersweet, but I am doing a little happy dance for you right now. I am so glad you shared here so we can cheer you on and hear about how you are doing. Keep writing. You are so wise and I am glad I've "met" you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your BFP! I am so happy for you! I just spent about a half hour reading some of your past blog posts. I am so sorry for your loss. No one deserves to have to go through that. Life is so unfair sometimes. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!
ReplyDelete~ICLW~