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Nuggets

- I have atleast three posts that are not going beyond draft. One of them is a letter I wrote to CheekyBub before I found out I conceived and I can't seem to find the courage or enough yen to post it.

- You know I attended a wedding recently. And at the reception, this lady asks me - 'How may children do you have?'. Mark those words. It is not about whether I have a child or not, it is about the number. I fumbled for a nanosecond before I said - 'Technically, I am a mother. But my daughter died in January'. I clunked at the last sentence I shared. I know what follows after that statement - How?; well, I did not answer that.

- Coming to marking my words, look at *my* choice of words, and the adjectives.

- I finally do have something to report on the symptoms front - my perpetual pee-athon!

- I also seem to lose all appetite after the food IS on my plate. I like tomatoes - gravy with tomatoes, them as salad and tomato soup.

- I cringe to think - just like last time, when I look at my love for tomatoes.

- I haven't however, unlike the last time *cringe*, given up on non-vegetarian fare.

- I had a dream today. In the days after knowing of CheekyBub's death and later, I begged God to not make me have any visions or dreams or such. I had one today, and am glad to report it was positive.

Comments

  1. Joanna aka Paper21 June 2011 at 20:46

    You have a very strong and admirable spirit!

    I am sorry for the loss of your angel, and very happy that you are blessed with the angel, now sheltered in you.

    iclw #21 & 62

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elana Kahn21 June 2011 at 21:12

    I'm glad that you had a positive dream. I had a nightmare the other day that the bacteria in the petri dish I made last week (in Microbiology lab) didn't grow and my teacher told me how awful it was and that I had to do it all over again. But I checked it yesterday and it had grown. :-D I'd wish for you to have as many children as my bacteria just grew, but I think that would be quite overwhelming...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kelly21 June 2011 at 22:27

    I'm so glad the dream you had was a positive one.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MICHELE CERVONE SCOTT22 June 2011 at 00:32

    Hello, I'm returning your visit from ICLW(#26). I'm sorry about the loss of your daughter, and I'm praying for you and the baby you're expecting. I admire your strength and your transparency. Thanks for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous22 June 2011 at 01:05

    Glad to hear about the good dream.
    Many women rediscover tomatoes during pregnancy. This is not last year. It is impossible not to compare, I know. But this May was different.
    Thinking of you. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nadine22 June 2011 at 02:42

    I really despise the "how many children question", makes me cringe. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Quiet Dreams22 June 2011 at 06:05

    Wishing for you nothing but pleasant dreams throughout the next several months (forever really, but one has to focus, no?).

    I keep thinking you must be in some strange deja-vu land and I only hope for you that it is not too painful. None of us will forget your Cheeky-Bub.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jacksmom22 June 2011 at 06:34

    I'm wishing you nothing but pleasant dreams, and I'm hoping that this pregnancy is a little different in ways that you can notice from Cheeky-Bub's. Just so that maybe you can feel slightly more comfortable. Glad you're peeing like crazy!

    ReplyDelete
  9. ~C~22 June 2011 at 08:27

    I can't believe - and yet yes I can - that people ask you how your daughter died. People can really be such insensitive jerks.

    I hope your dreams continue to be positive. ((hugs))

    ICLW 25

    ReplyDelete
  10. areyoukiddingme22 June 2011 at 08:48

    Positive dreams = good. Hope you have exclusively positive ones.

    Eventually, all that stuff swirling around in your brain will settle.

    Food aversions and pee-a-thons. Pregnancy is grand!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous22 June 2011 at 17:40

    I can't believe some of the things people say to you. I think you handled yourself extremely well.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Emms22 June 2011 at 20:13

    Here from ICLW. I am so sorry for your loss and am glad to hear about the positive dream!! Keeping you in my t&p for a happy and healthy take home baby.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Justine L22 June 2011 at 22:03

    Thanks for visiting ... and so glad to hear about your good news and positive dream! I know how difficult it is to figure out how to balance the new life with loss... and I will think good thoughts for you in the coming difficult weeks.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ordinary Girl24 June 2011 at 00:11

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've followed your story from afar for a little while and I think you're just amazing. What I don't think is amazing though are all the ridiculous people out there who feel like we all have to share the details of our most personal issues with them. Good for you for only telling what you want to tell. I'm guilty of feeling like i need to answer all of people's questions but not any more. I'm keeping you in my thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Jackie24 June 2011 at 02:05

    Here from ICLW. The difficulties you've experienced, and the conflicting feelings you must be having right now - If I had the words to say, I'd say them. But all I can do is just be another person who is carrying hope for you and keeping you in my thoughts.
    On a less dark note: gravy with tomatoes? Hmm...You're more daring than I could ever be. ;)
    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maria24 June 2011 at 07:05

    hi from iclw.
    i am so sorry you had that encounter with someone who felt the need to ask such a naive and heartless question.
    i am sorry for the loss of your daughter and am keeping you in my prayers for a happy and healthy pregnancy.
    thank you for your comment on my blog
    i look forward to following in your journey!
    maria :)
    iclw #46

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous24 June 2011 at 16:00

    Thanks so much for visiting my blog (ICLW #79). What a beautiful spirit you have! It sounds like the Universe is trying to correct your last conception experience with this whole "just like last time" stuff. I'm so glad that you had a fabulous dream....somehow they're so comforting, right?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous24 June 2011 at 17:33

    Hi, I'm so sorry about your loss, I admire you for moving on to another pregnancy so soon. Thanks for stopping by at my blog. Happy ICLW.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous25 June 2011 at 01:17

    Hi from ICLW! I am glad that your dream was a positive one. I can only image how hard it was to hear that woman ask you that. It's even worse than do you have any children. To just assume and ask how many. That made even me cringe. I'm sorry people assume, but unless they have been down the path we trod, they wouldn't understand why stuff like that hurts so much.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Kristin26 June 2011 at 12:00

    I hope you have lots of positive dreams from her on out.

    ReplyDelete

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