Skip to main content

Sensitive Question

Well, now that I am TTC again, what am I? For a long while, I suffered from primary sub-fertility.

Does my label remain the same? This time around, will I still be a candidate for primary sub-fertility, or because technically this would be baby #2, this is secondary infertility?

Am I still an infertile anymore?


---

Another Gem (from a colleague):

"I have seen that women who wait too long to have children, usually end up having lot of problems in conceiving them."

[My cardinal sin? Using birth control pills and having prevented pregnancy initially (plus) another friend of this colleague having issues - no conception 18 months into trying. They waited two years before starting to try for a baby]

Comments

  1. My New Normal22 May 2011 at 15:29

    I think once an infertile, always an infertile. Because we think differently about conception and pregnancy. Our struggles have forever changed us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous22 May 2011 at 15:37

    If you really need a label, I think 'St. Elsewhere' is the most appropriate. I am not trying to make light of your hardship, on the contrary, it is your hardships that are making it difficult to label your current status.

    And the most often mistake one can do is to assume that people are smart. This is most of the times false. 80% of the people around are anything but smart. This accounts for the large quantity of inappropriate poppycock flushed down innocent ears. I am sorry you are on the receiving end of such idiotic nonsense.

    Praying, hoping and crossing crossable for good news from you soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Barbara22 May 2011 at 16:57

    I don't think labels are useful. In some ways I even think they might be self-fulfilling. I think you are trying to conceive after losing your precious daughter and that's that.

    As Kmina says, St Elsewhere (Elsie) is the most appropriate. Oh and I also agree wholeheartedly about the poppycock!

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nadine22 May 2011 at 18:37

    I never even really paid attention to the infertile labels, it's hard to fit peole into labels, isn't it?

    As for the a-hole comment from your collegue, well I threw away the bcp when we got married at 26 and started trying, ane never got pregnant. People make silly ignorant comments some time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnotherDreamer22 May 2011 at 19:29

    Labels suck. I'm an "infertile", a "habitual aborter", a "babylost momma"... each label a part of my experience, yes, but definitely not defining of who I am. I am me.

    And you, my dear, are you.

    Our experiences shape the way we see the world, the way we interact with it, the way we live it. But, we are all so much more than that.

    Medically, our labels changes through the course of our journey. And I know, it's hard coping with those changes. I remember the confusion when I was being shifted as an infertile, to an infertile with recurrent miscarriages. It was unsettling, horrifying, and hard to deal with. I'm still infertile, but now the baggage has doubled in size.

    Many (*hugs*) while you navigate all this my dear. I'm thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fran22 May 2011 at 20:16

    I don't like labels either like cyber friends have said above. In fact I think most labels are forget "after" a situation has occurred. So let's see how it goes this time. Spring is in the air and BFP are popping up like daisies all around. I want you to be the next daisy. And feck the labels!
    Love, Fran

    ReplyDelete
  7. Summer23 May 2011 at 00:59

    If I had to put a label on you, I would say you are a mom who hasn't had a chance to parent a child yet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. areyoukiddingme23 May 2011 at 02:04

    How about..Queen of the Unexpected? I think that about covers everything, if you really need to describe yourself in a short phrase. :)

    Your colleague sounds...uninformed. You could tell him about my coworker who, with his wife, made the mistaken assumption that they were past all that and ended up with a surprise first baby when he was 48 and she was 43.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kristin23 May 2011 at 03:01

    AnotherDreamer said it perfectly. You are you...and you happen to be a wonderful loving, caring woman with a fabulous voice who has been dealt a rotten hand when it comes to having kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Clare23 May 2011 at 03:57

    I agree with Kristin above. Also now you are officially TTC, don't add a label - it's only bound to be a negative one - it's so hard to be positive i know, but it will be worth if if you get your BFP right?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jes G23 May 2011 at 05:43

    here from iclw..... isaying a prayer for you....
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lori LeRoy23 May 2011 at 07:37

    Love what Summer said. You are a mom, you just haven't had the chance to parent yet.

    Best wishes as you continue to move forward.

    ReplyDelete
  13. MrsSpock23 May 2011 at 08:24

    I think if every woman who used birth control became infertile as a "punishment", then half the women on this planet would be infertile.

    I wonder, too, after having two children, if I still get to keep that "infertile" label.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mrs. Buv24 May 2011 at 06:49

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Mrs. Buv24 May 2011 at 06:50

    I don't care what the label says...who knows what we all are...besides struggling with TTC. :) Good luck with the new start...and screw your colleague. That person is confused. ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  16. Quiet Dreams5 June 2011 at 06:47

    Things like your colleague said are things people say to make themselves feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Quiet Dreams5 June 2011 at 06:48

    Oh, and what I said before about putting off reading your blog--it's because I have this idea that I want to devote enough time and energy to it, and then the posts pile up. Same thing happens with Lavender Luz's blog.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Should Have Known

...On the night of 19th when my breasts became hard and sore to touch, the nurses brought me hot water bottles rather than my baby. I should have known. ...Birdman was apparently away to Very Big City with our baby. Every SMS update sent to me about her after 16th Jan was fake. I was a donkey eating at his trough. I should have known. ...Visitors who came to see me in the hospital did not look me straight in the eye. I should have known. ...My mother sounded reluctant every time I asked her on a timeline on when my stitches would be cut and I could travel to Very Big City. I should have known. ...I grieved at how many pricks and tubes were affixed to my little baby while she lay cold and unfeeling at the bottom of an earth pit fatigued from all the effort she put into staying alive. I should have known. ...Family dropped clues on how oxygen deprivation could affect the brain. I spelt it out for them. I told them that Lola was my daughter even if she came out r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d from the o...
111 comments
Read more

Season...

With very limited time and access to the netz, I just want to declare that Lady Season is here. She arrived last Wednesday, and I will someday in future speak of how due to SuperPed's preparedness a crisis was averted. I tend to have firework endings. Her with me, and my first chance of mothering is like a spray of cold water on my face. I am very sleep deprived. Apparently, wise birds said to me that I should sleep when the girl sleeps, but so far my body schedule and kid's schedule are haywire. I hope to be better adapted to this soon. It is tough for me to find net time as of now, and there are a couple of things I want to post online, since CBub's dates also passed by recently, but so far it does not seem to be happening. And I just want to say thanks. Even though I am craptastic at responding, I am reading off and on as I can manage.
50 comments
Read more