I have lamented, which you would know if you have been around my blog for a while, that I did not have anything to offer for a certain wedding ritual we have. That one kid between five brothers officiated in that role in four weddings. That Birdman was the second one to wed, and he is the only one who has no living child. That everyone else already had kids or are on their way.
In all the fretting over it, last year, my bro's wedding got fixed for 2011-end. Then I learnt I was pregnant, and I suddenly saw that my kid would definitely be there. I told my mom, and 'booked' Kaiser, even though I knew that my child would anyways have been the first preference.
Then Kaiser died.
And I realized, I won't have anyone, yet again, in that ceremony, on that place.
My brother asked through mum if he should cancel the wedding (as in delay the dates for some more time). That would not help, and I don't think it would solve anything.
My parents promised me that no other kid would be utilized for this, and that the place will be deliberately left empty. If not their granddaughter, no one would take it. That strangely, is no solace to me either. An empty seat will remind me of her. Someone else's kid sitting there would remind me of her.
What do I want? I wanted Kaiser to be there. Now that she is not there, I don't know what to suggest as appropriate recourse.
Image Courtesy: http://www.wikigallery.org/wiki/painting_200013/Edward-Robert-Hughes/Idle-Tears ( Idle Tears, Edward Robert Hughes; Image not used for commercial purpose and no stake on copyright claimed)
I wish there was something that could bring you some comfort about Kaiser not being there but either way it's probably going to be hard.
ReplyDeleteSending love.
Oh, the world just keeps throwing things at you, doesn't it? I don't think there's any way for that wedding not to remind you of Kaiser. I remember you writing about this before. I have said it before and I will say it again -- you are so, so strong.
ReplyDeleteLife just reminds you either way. And it sucks. Because she should be there. [[hugs]]
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I so wish there was a good solution but, like Delenn said, life reminds you and that sucks. Lots of {{{hugs}}} and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThere is no appropriate recourse. So you just have to go with whatever happens.
ReplyDeleteI wish it were different...
I wish this were not the case... That the chair were filled with your precious little girl... I'm so sorry. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThat really bites. Life has a funny way of throwing constant reminders (good, bad or otherwise) at us doesn't it? I don't think there is another good solution honestly. I wish it were different for you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThere will be so many reminders, I imagine. And not just this year, I think. Sending out love to you.
ReplyDelete