This is the post I had put into the freezer for a while. I will rate it as charged. You have been warned.
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I know I have said this before, or maybe I have not said this before.
My full time work experience now stands a little beyond seven years now. I have earned paltry sums in the beginning and now make a decent amout. What I earn is still not comparable to Birdman's earnings, but still, there is some pride I associate with whatever I put into my kitty.
When I go on my leave in Jan 2011, I will have three months of paid leave. I plan to stretch it out by a minimum of two months of unpaid leave and can easily add one more month to it.
The unpaid part is the one scaring me. I have got some major insurance premium deadlines coming up in March. I do not have much in the name of savings, and so far do not seek assistance from Birdman in paying my own premium. I also stake in a tiny bit of money regularly in the household expenses and Birdman has said that he would like me to continue contributing even when I am in City X and not here. It means I need to calculate how much I can stretch out my savings and if all the expenses are taken care of, how much would remain with me.
I have had some income in-flowing every month for quite a while now. I am 'used' to the idea of earning on my own and spending on my own. I do not spend lavishly but even if I do a mean purchase, I know that the gap will get plugged by some margin the coming month.
I am still not able to wrap myself around those unpaid months. Also suppose, just suppose some turn of events make it imminent thatI may not return to work at the time I am anticipating, there is no way I will be able to hold up my spending or pay my dues the way I have been doing. It is such a shot in the dark and I am troubled by it.
My career does not stand at much per se. My resume needs a lot of strengthening, but I have been so comfortable with spending most of my hours at work or in work-related activities, that I just can't see myself as a housewife or SAHM and the loss of financial independence is scaring the ghosts out of me.
No, my work routine does not permit me to work from home. 2011 is a huge year for me. It is when I finally get over the demon sitting on my head. But it also means that lot of things will change. Will have to change.
Will see when the decisions come, but knowing that I am a brooder as such and that I am worried about things, I guess it won't be easy or would be just too easy to decide. It will happen in due time, but one cannot run away from their mind, can they?
Plus, somebody in my family got anointed saint after she rescinded her job to be with her newborn. She set an example of greatness. Three years on, she lists her ex-employer as her employer in her Facebook page, is hunting for a job and her ex-employer is not willing to take her back because of a changed HR policy.
Bah bum.
^WiseGuy^
P.S. - I know that some of you think I am pathetic to say all this, given that such a big dream is coming to fruition for me. I agree - I am pathetic. Just do not spell it out here. Or use absolute comedy to describe how pathetic I am, because laughing is good for me.
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I know I have said this before, or maybe I have not said this before.
My full time work experience now stands a little beyond seven years now. I have earned paltry sums in the beginning and now make a decent amout. What I earn is still not comparable to Birdman's earnings, but still, there is some pride I associate with whatever I put into my kitty.
When I go on my leave in Jan 2011, I will have three months of paid leave. I plan to stretch it out by a minimum of two months of unpaid leave and can easily add one more month to it.
The unpaid part is the one scaring me. I have got some major insurance premium deadlines coming up in March. I do not have much in the name of savings, and so far do not seek assistance from Birdman in paying my own premium. I also stake in a tiny bit of money regularly in the household expenses and Birdman has said that he would like me to continue contributing even when I am in City X and not here. It means I need to calculate how much I can stretch out my savings and if all the expenses are taken care of, how much would remain with me.
I have had some income in-flowing every month for quite a while now. I am 'used' to the idea of earning on my own and spending on my own. I do not spend lavishly but even if I do a mean purchase, I know that the gap will get plugged by some margin the coming month.
I am still not able to wrap myself around those unpaid months. Also suppose, just suppose some turn of events make it imminent thatI may not return to work at the time I am anticipating, there is no way I will be able to hold up my spending or pay my dues the way I have been doing. It is such a shot in the dark and I am troubled by it.
My career does not stand at much per se. My resume needs a lot of strengthening, but I have been so comfortable with spending most of my hours at work or in work-related activities, that I just can't see myself as a housewife or SAHM and the loss of financial independence is scaring the ghosts out of me.
No, my work routine does not permit me to work from home. 2011 is a huge year for me. It is when I finally get over the demon sitting on my head. But it also means that lot of things will change. Will have to change.
Will see when the decisions come, but knowing that I am a brooder as such and that I am worried about things, I guess it won't be easy or would be just too easy to decide. It will happen in due time, but one cannot run away from their mind, can they?
Plus, somebody in my family got anointed saint after she rescinded her job to be with her newborn. She set an example of greatness. Three years on, she lists her ex-employer as her employer in her Facebook page, is hunting for a job and her ex-employer is not willing to take her back because of a changed HR policy.
Bah bum.
^WiseGuy^
P.S. - I know that some of you think I am pathetic to say all this, given that such a big dream is coming to fruition for me. I agree - I am pathetic. Just do not spell it out here. Or use absolute comedy to describe how pathetic I am, because laughing is good for me.
Dear,I have no piece of ad- or assvice to offer. But knowing you, I am sure you will figure it out. You will have a couple of neurons missing due to this worrying, but you have enough to spare and keep breathing without needing a tape, like the blonds. ;-))
ReplyDeleteNo assvice from me either, but I have lots of sympathy. This is so hard and it's something that is unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteI think based on what you've laid out that you will be OK financially, but it sounds like what is really worrying you is a loss of independence that will come with those unpaid months. You are used to the feeling of earning and contributing--and for a few months that's going to stop. But it doesn't mean you're not contributing to your family and your life, just in a different way. And it sounds like you will have no trouble going back to work.
Hang in there!
Oh I TOTALLY understand. I actually had a great career, earning twice as much as Dh did when I quit my job (high risk pregnancy). I had planned to go back to work when DANNY WAS SIX MONTHS OLD. I just couldn't! Decided to postpone it till he was 1 year. Danny is now 15 months old and I CANNOT find a job that will pay me as much as I deserve and I refuse to leave D at home for anything less then what i deserve. I suggest you take one step at a time. You just CANNOT anticipate life after baby.things change...people change...just relax
ReplyDeleteYour concerns are utterly valid! It's part of the whole dream - the changing of finances. And it is quite scary. Worries the crap out of me, too. Breathe and see where it takes you :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can find some type of part time job you can do at home for a few months before returning to a full-time job?
ReplyDeleteThough I am not pregnant, I can relate to your feelings. My work is a huge part of who I am, and I can't see ever giving it up entirely, no matter the reason. (In our case, I earn more than my husband, so being a SAHM would be out of the question for us, barring a HUGE change in our lifestyle.)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who will soon be 40 and has seen most of her friends have children over the past 15 years or so, let me offer the following. Many of my friends were surprised at how their feelings about being a SAHM changed after the birth of their children, one way or the other. One friend always planned to go back to work and did but found that she really wanted to stay at home, while a couple of other friends stayed at home, only to find that they really, really wanted to go back to work.
I guess my (unsolicited) assvice would be: see how you feel. The arrival of your baby is going to change so many things, and your feelings about working may be one of them.
You are not pathetic. These are normal worries that everyone with a change in income go through. Just because you fought hard to have this baby does not mean you are immune to the worries and concerns that come with it.
ReplyDeleteYou are not pathetic in the slightest and you have every right to worry about such things! Only I wish you wouldn't worry but I know that's easier said than done (I really need to go back to work, too, partly for financial reasons but I can't find a job). Anyway ... VERY best wishes for 2011. It's not much longer.
ReplyDeletesounds like birdman needs to get used to the idea of assuming some more responsibility so that his wife can give birth to and then take care of HIS child. it's not like it's going to be forever, we all have to make sacrifices.
ReplyDeleteWe spent a looooong time planning to be a one income family and it is still scary. I love staying home but I do get really angry when my husband comes home and his work day ends but mine just stretches out forever in a blur of laundry and cleaning. He does say that my "job" is to care for our son and not the house. But at the end of the day, it is still me cleaning the bathrooms. I am not a regular reader of your blog but it sounds maybe like you and Birdman have never combined your finances.
ReplyDeleteI most definitely do not think you are pathetic. The grass may be greener on the other side (or not) but it still needs to be cut. Don't know if that analogy really works, but what I want to say is that each stage in life, each new situation brings it's own challenges. Have you spoken with Birdman about your worries? Would that help?
ReplyDeleteWiseguy:
ReplyDeleteNothing pathetic about that...not in the least!
What's that old line about the best thing a woman can give a baby - a fulfilled mother? If not being a SAHM is not for you, then fine...do your best to ignore the detractors!
The whole unpaid leave thing is such a big issue that in this country a paid parental leave scheme has been introduced as of 1/1/11 meaning those eligible can claim up to $570 (before tax) per week for up to 18 weeks. So I am sure many will understand your concerns!
BTW, very belated congratulations on your very happy news!
LS x
Not Pathetic! I have no assvice, but I know you will figure it out... Even looking back at this post may help you figure things out.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in your concerns -- it is such a hard balance for us women. Men have their own stress, but it is not the same as the decisions we have to make. It's tough!
ReplyDeleteI encourage you not to worry TOO much about it, though... until you meet Kaiser/Lola, it's really hard to anticipate what you will feel about staying home. I don't think being a SAHM is for everyone. But after a few months of working and putting my son in day care, I knew that being a workig mom was not for me. I have a master's degree and had a career that I loved... but my little ones are only this little once, and honestly I would hate to miss any minute of it.
(Just my humble opinion, though. Like I said, being a SAHM isn't for everyone!) :)
You don't have to be a SAHM if you don't want to be. The above poster gives some good advice though. Personally, I can't wait to stay at home.
ReplyDelete