Hello Kaiser,
I have had a few tough weeks recently...not physically tough, but I was all knots about what I was doing so wrong. Anyways, I had better news on September 9th and that was so fantastic.
But I discovered something beautiful recently. First of all, that I care for you a lot already. I hope that we are a fantastic team. But I also wonder if you are going to be like me. I was pretty hard-headed as a kid, as in not-dumb, but with a mind of my own.
I did stupid things too, but I did what I wanted to. Your mother learnt the power of fire, because she deliberately placed a finger on a candle flame. She wanted to know why everybody wanted her to be careful of flames and such.
Frankly, I can handle just me, and if you were me, I don't know if I can be my mother in rearing you. But I promise, that you will get more opportunities. In a lot of ways, the restrictions saved me from unpleasant stuff, but still I wanted to do them once and find out for myself. I also wonder if I had taken some chances then, would I have turned out differently than what I am today.
Atleast one thing is for sure, it is not like I am unhappy wiith my present, but I have wondered if the alternate would have been grimmer or better. Your J Mama flew a plane for the first time on September 10th, and I can't tell you how excited I was. Someday, I am going to be his co-passenger as well. I like the fact that he is doing so good. He has had very emotionally volatile days in his past, and he has regained from that state and become happier and more adept in expressing his skills. In a way, I was with him vicariously.
I want to say something. I do not expect you to be a class topper. I want you to read a lot of books, dream a lot, have hobbies, make friends (and true ones)....I do not want you to have just food and TV as the passions of your life. I don't want you to underperform in classes. Just give everything your best shot, that's what I ask of you. If you are satisfied with what you got back, its all good. I want you to know of love, and not the only kind that parents can bestow.
I can't say anything about goals, because I would be a hypocrite to do that. I have spent most of my childhood and teenage minus goals. I meandered and waded through, that's all.
And the second thing I discovered....I love Hindustani Classical Music. And I seem to love Raga Jaijaiwanti. I am not very knowledgable about it, and I have been listening to different ragas, and recordings and identifying the ones I seem to like. I think you like them too. So you have introduced your mother to a new 'like'. Next on the cards is for me to get some Dhrupad recordings.
Be good.
^WiseGuy^
I have had a few tough weeks recently...not physically tough, but I was all knots about what I was doing so wrong. Anyways, I had better news on September 9th and that was so fantastic.
But I discovered something beautiful recently. First of all, that I care for you a lot already. I hope that we are a fantastic team. But I also wonder if you are going to be like me. I was pretty hard-headed as a kid, as in not-dumb, but with a mind of my own.
I did stupid things too, but I did what I wanted to. Your mother learnt the power of fire, because she deliberately placed a finger on a candle flame. She wanted to know why everybody wanted her to be careful of flames and such.
Frankly, I can handle just me, and if you were me, I don't know if I can be my mother in rearing you. But I promise, that you will get more opportunities. In a lot of ways, the restrictions saved me from unpleasant stuff, but still I wanted to do them once and find out for myself. I also wonder if I had taken some chances then, would I have turned out differently than what I am today.
Atleast one thing is for sure, it is not like I am unhappy wiith my present, but I have wondered if the alternate would have been grimmer or better. Your J Mama flew a plane for the first time on September 10th, and I can't tell you how excited I was. Someday, I am going to be his co-passenger as well. I like the fact that he is doing so good. He has had very emotionally volatile days in his past, and he has regained from that state and become happier and more adept in expressing his skills. In a way, I was with him vicariously.
I want to say something. I do not expect you to be a class topper. I want you to read a lot of books, dream a lot, have hobbies, make friends (and true ones)....I do not want you to have just food and TV as the passions of your life. I don't want you to underperform in classes. Just give everything your best shot, that's what I ask of you. If you are satisfied with what you got back, its all good. I want you to know of love, and not the only kind that parents can bestow.
I can't say anything about goals, because I would be a hypocrite to do that. I have spent most of my childhood and teenage minus goals. I meandered and waded through, that's all.
And the second thing I discovered....I love Hindustani Classical Music. And I seem to love Raga Jaijaiwanti. I am not very knowledgable about it, and I have been listening to different ragas, and recordings and identifying the ones I seem to like. I think you like them too. So you have introduced your mother to a new 'like'. Next on the cards is for me to get some Dhrupad recordings.
Be good.
^WiseGuy^
I think this is the best part of having children - discovering who and how they are. And help them discover that as well.
ReplyDeleteKaiser is going to ignore these letter when s/he is 14, and so bawl his/her eyes out when s/he is 30. :-)
My daughter is JUST like me. It's been hilarious, challenging, and incredible trying to reign her in sometimes. I think that's one of the best parts though, seeing how your children take on you and your dh's personalities :)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely getting back what I gave to my parents
We want our kids to be like us, but only the good stuff. LOL. I think what you are feeling is utterly normal, and I hope Kaiser loves these letters later in life :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes the kids who are just like you can be the most challenging ones to raise.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things are going better for you and hope everything continues wonderfully.
Kaiser is going to be fantastic. I just know it.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, K has a fantastic mom who loves so deeply. That's all that's important in the long run.
If s/he is like you, maybe you will understand him/her better.
ReplyDeleteI love seeing how your relationship with Kaiser is already changing you--you are already a mother.
don't worry too much about the choices and opportunities you had in the past. your life made you who you are today and if even the tiniest thing had gone differently you might not be the same person, you might not have the husband you have now and you might not have little kaiser on the way, and i happen to think you're pretty great exactly as you are.
ReplyDeleteS/he will be like you because s/he is a part of you! And s/he will also be very different because you will help him/her discover oneself with all that love you have to give!!
ReplyDeletei love your letters.
ReplyDeleteSo so so sweet! It is so nice to be able to nurture their strengths and help then with their weaknesses. Nae is a lot like me and I've enjoyed watching her grow and develop into her own person.
ReplyDeleteSo glad your appointment went well. Good job getting your fluid up! You're doing amazing!
*HUGS*