…continued from previous post…
I hate to be discussed behind my back, and if my IF were to become a lasting malady, I know what would happen. Hushed tones would discuss me, and mention my lack of progeny.
It would be a thing that would be used to differentiate me. Something to be reinforced in mind, body and spirit. Something to be used as a search term for somebody behind their back.
I am not prepared to be that butt, that dart-board, that aim-tool.
You see, there is another edge to this thing. Suppose, I have my kid in 2011.
Then I would be the
poor her, she had to wait for long to have her kid / it was so difficult for her to have her kids.
Supermom, and sacrifice all the time, because dammit she asked for motherhood so much, and now that she is one, it is all she should be interested in.
Everybody’s kids are here, because they had sex, my kid would be a permanent miracle, and I would be reminded that endlessly.
Can you see why BabySmiling’s question did not leave me?
I do tend to worry a lot that my infertility would stay on with me. Because obviously it will.
I did not have to wait too long to find out what happened to my body from all the hormones.
^WiseGuy^
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I also hate to be the topic of others' conversation, and this is a tricky one.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that IF ever leaves us. I think that once we realize the world of conception and giving birth is not as easy as A, B, C, something changes for us. We look at the world differently, whether or not we have children (I am only guessing here, as I am quite childless).
I don't think this is a bad thing, however. I am glad I am not so ignorant of the suffering of so many. The cost is that I have had to suffer as well. It is not a bad thing, just a different thing.
Though this is difficult in the face of Nosy Nancies.
It is the world's 'duty' to judge everyone else. You will ALWAYS be judged, no matter if it is right or wrong (although mostly wrong, let's face it).
ReplyDeleteYou were and will not be like the rest of the world, ever. You did not need IF to clue you in. But some things, which are taken for granted by most, are in a different light now.
I don't think IF ever truly leaves oneself.
ReplyDeleteEver.
((HUGS))
IF never leaves even when people look at you and don't see it at all. I am forever changed by what I went through but no one would look at me, a mom of 3, and think infertility.
ReplyDelete{{{{Hugs}}}}
Sorry to say but I think this bitch is here to stay. For good. She will always be a part of our lives, even if we are lucky enough to have kids. We all feel you girl. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWhat thought provoking and raw posts Wiseguy. I'm glad you decided to share them, I think it's important.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, of course IF will affect our future because nothing this big and significant could ever be forgotten. I hope the pain fades with time though and all we are left with is the gratitude that we finally reached parenthood.
One step at a time though and I know it's not easy to make those steps, especially since CD1 has just made it's appearance for you.
xxx
You are brave for putting this all out there. Thank you so much. And we all feel it, too. It SUCKS, and there's no way around that. But we're all here for you. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI would especially have those thoughts during my miscarriages - no one wanted to address what I was going through to my face, but I could feel them all buzzing about me when I walked around the corner.
ReplyDeleteYes, IF affects us all in thousands of ways. Ways people don't notice or understand.