…continued from previous post…
The one thing I keep repeating on my blog is that I believe that I will have kids. I do believe that. But I also have this bubble-wrap of fear, a ring of mirth circling that thought. I may not have any kids at all.
I do not think I am programmed to see myself childless in my future. I am prepared to live on with the trying, and bemoaning what has passed. But I can’t see myself staying unfulfilled. I can’t.
I do think I will be a partial wreck, and disjointed invisibly if infertility was a permanent cloak for me to wear.
I am not prepared to wear it forever. I also do not know what I will do with myself. Sadly, by the time I find that out, my future would have become my present.
I lived with the initial trying. I lived with others trying. Now, I see those people looking for playschools, or planning for a change of schools, or preparing for a second, or the first birthday of their second.
When I heard a colleague claim that almost all babies in X (my workplace), had been conceived on a weekend, I looked at her with disguised incredulity. Sadly, she never had to go through the process of understanding oh-vulation. And the nodding heads around the table meant that the rest of the fellas hadn’t either.
It scares me that I would know all of that, and yet the knowledge would be perfectly useless. Coz, hello? If I knew all that, how come I was still not knocked up?
^WiseGuy^
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DUH, all babies are conceived on weekends AND only between 1:30 and 1:33 AM. Seriously, YOU didn't know this? Geesh..
ReplyDeleteIt boggles my mind that educated people can be so ignorant.
And while drunk. You have to get drunk. Ugh. I hate the offhand remarks. Blast them. Hugs, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not forget how relaxed they were during that weekend!
ReplyDeleteI have never been able to imagine a childless future for myself. If the body couldn't be beaten into submission, then it was adoption city for us.
ReplyDeleteI have always thought the same thing - how is it the people who are the most educated on conception are the ones who ~aren't~ getting pregnant?
ReplyDeleteLike many things, it boggles the mind.
Weekends! That's the key! And here I was thinking it depending on ovulation, cervical mucus, and sperm motility. Silly me, all I have to do is wait till Saturday.
ReplyDeleteHang on, what about long holiday weekends?
I can't get over these people you work with. Everything you post about them is worse than the last. They sound exceptionally stupid.
I also cannot imagine never having children, though I cannot imagine how it will happen at this point.
ReplyDeleteI am continually stunned at the ignorance of people regarding basic body functions.
ReplyDelete