Well, action night was only CD15 and CD17....I have had guests at home since then, and DH left again this morning.
I have not been feeling good. I have been having blasphemous thoughts this past week. I have been thinking and pondering deeply over whether I want kids only because it is expected from me, or because I think it should 'have happened already', and such, and I am not decided.
Sometimes, I am not sure what I want...this too will pass. But I really hope for the skies to crack open and get me out of myself sometimes.
This weekend we will be shifting to another apartment, and I hope that I can get my Home PC up and running by Monday... but I am not too sure of that as well.
I have been away from bloggyland most of this week, and it seems to be the scenario in the coming days as well.
^WiseGuy^
I have not been feeling good. I have been having blasphemous thoughts this past week. I have been thinking and pondering deeply over whether I want kids only because it is expected from me, or because I think it should 'have happened already', and such, and I am not decided.
Sometimes, I am not sure what I want...this too will pass. But I really hope for the skies to crack open and get me out of myself sometimes.
This weekend we will be shifting to another apartment, and I hope that I can get my Home PC up and running by Monday... but I am not too sure of that as well.
I have been away from bloggyland most of this week, and it seems to be the scenario in the coming days as well.
^WiseGuy^
You're just overwhelmed and more overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteMuch luck with the move...lots of happy thoughts for you!
I hope the move goes smoothly and there are no problems. Sending you lots of good JUJU, hon!
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
Good luck with the move. No matter how smoothly it goes, it's still a big pain. Biggest hugs my friend. WIsh I could give you one in person...
ReplyDeleteHope the move goes well and relatively painlessly.
ReplyDeleteI have found that living in my head can get me all jumbled up at times.
(((hugs)))
I get wrapped up in that "what are my motivations?" vortex on occasion too. I think it's a defense mechanism. I mean it would be easier to just "realize" that I never really wanted kids in the first place than to go through all this cr*p.
ReplyDeleteHope the move goes smoothly!
Yaay for a new place, but yuck to moving. We still havent gotten everything out of boxes, and we moved at the end of October. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know(ish) how you feel. TTC makes me want to throw in the towel. All the time. And feeling like I need to "produce" a grandchild grates on me. Ugh.
Love ya..and we've missed you in bloggyland.
Oh, I am so sorry. Sounds like a lot of different reasons to feel pretty overwhelmed. Hopefully some easier days are ahead. TTC is so exhausting, I hope you get your little one soon.
ReplyDelete{{{Hugs}}} I remember questioning my desires and needs too.
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that most parents conceive before they ever do that kind of questioning -- if they really thought about it and had to wait and work for it as we do, some wouldn't go down the parent road at all.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the move!
((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI hate when our brain won't slow for just a little bit.
Good luck with moving!
You are in high gear, girl! Keep on keepin' on... you'll get through it.
ReplyDeleteAt one point I wondered if it was one of those 'reverse psychology' situations where I only wanted a baby so badly because I couldn't have one.
ReplyDeleteI hope your move goes smoothly! We'll be looking forward to hearing from you soon.
I don't think it's blasphemous at all to think those things.
ReplyDeleteI hope the move went well.