I promise that my post is not as classy as the brilliant title. I am through with the Wedding 2, and am about to depart tonight for my current-abode city.
You know what happens when you are in a swarm of people...close, not-close, too-close, about-to-get-close, were-close, want-to-be-close, not-close-but-prying-close, moles.
You know what happens when you are in a swarm of people...close, not-close, too-close, about-to-get-close, were-close, want-to-be-close, not-close-but-prying-close, moles.
Oh, so you have been married how many years now?
Six? Okay.
And any Baba, Baby?
***
Oh, so she is your niece. She is your SIL's daughter. Oh, but are you not the No. 2 DIL? Your SIL is No. 3 no?
***
What girl? You are not planning or what?
Then came another pearl. The next day of the wedding, my eldest BIL was lamenting that none of the brothers get together now like they once used to. With that thought, he said
Oh come on, we must planning something soon, before these two (pointing at the newly-weds) get into the queue(i.e. have a baby on the way)...
I was sitting there in the group and it struck that I was not counted in the likely soon-visitors of Babyland.
{A little background: My husband is one of five brothers who lived close by and shared childhoods together. My husband is the second eldest. DH and cousins have chronologically gotten married, with the last two having wed within the span of last 25 days. My elder BIL is a father, my younger BIL is a father. So, before the last two bros got married, out of the three married couples, we were the only ones who were childless.}
But you know what? Nothing pinched me too much. It registered that I was bombarded with awkward statements, but I had been mentally prepared to hear the great-words.
I found a comment by my dear MIL on my body shape more hitting than any of the above comments I was at the receiving end of.
What actually stands out is that how much are we taken for granted.
If I have been married for 6 years, I automatically qualify for having atleast a 4 year old already.
Or that if my elder BIL has already flourished, I should have taken cues already. Or that if I have not flourished, I may never blossom at all. I am beyond the Watch Radar now.
But it does not matter. Their taking me for granted does not mean that they are correct and I am not.
It is not even a matter of question, but it sure is a question of sensitivity, and the assumptions that are made for every wedding that is consummated.
Meanwhile, I remember this jingle from hell: 'You can run but you can't hide...'
^WiseGuy^
(((hugs))) oh the awfulness of comments and expectations.
ReplyDeleteIt's not fun...
ReplyDeleteBut someday, the laugh will be on them. Know you are understood, heard, and loved...
Sounds horrible. To be so utterly clueless and insensitive....
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry...many, many *hugs* today.
It's the little digs of insensitivity that mark us and bring us down like death from a thousand little razor cuts. I'm sorry that you had to endure any of it, but I am proud that you did so with grace and dignity. So very few people have dignity and grace in the face of such things. You are remarkable Wiseguy, sending to you much love and respect and many hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you had to sit there and listen to such unfair judgments and stupid comments. While I am sorry that they put you through it, I am proud of you for being the bigger person about it. I know how hard it is sometimes to bite our tongues when disrespected. I have a lot of respect for you.
ReplyDeleteHow about being married for 13+ years... We should have at least a 12 year old!!! I too have been at those weddings of family functions a time or two before. xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteIt's an interesting concept; to fall off the watch radar. I don't which is worse--being mentally dismissed or having the prying questions.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're having to endure these jabs, from family, no less.
ReplyDeleteBig, HUGE ((HUGS)) for you!!!
I agree with Lollipop - which is worse?
ReplyDeleteIt really doesn't matter, I guess. It all sucks. It all hurts.
I admire you so very much!
I know you said they did not hurt much, but I'm sorry you had to be exposed to those barbs and prods and thoughtless comments.
ReplyDeleteHere's to you rising up above them and proving that you are NOT to be overlooked after all.
xxx
Sometimes it's amazing how the people that should be the most respectful and thoughtful, i.e. family - are the most rude and hurtful. So sorry that they put you through that.
ReplyDeleteWelcome home from wedding #2 and hoping that second line shows up!
Well done, Wiseguy, and well said.
ReplyDelete