And they are not even crazy.
I am being egged to get a Post-Coital Test done. The person I trust here in City G is also a cousin of mine. It is her hospital I go to when I am to do my things here.
Somehow, the EQ (Embarrassment Quotient) in these tests just keeps on getting higher and higher. I am hurt to have somebody hounding me at all places.
First of all, the idea that s#x makes babies got chucked out, and now I have to get ready to allow medical voyeurism as well?
Have s#x and spread your legs, honey!
I feel sheer disgust.
There is a mental block I am experiencing over this. First of all, I am not happy to be in this position. Second, I feel it is very violating, and thirdly, I do not see how easily DH would agree to this.
One of things that I have been very happy about is that DH has mildly cribbed, but never gone back on his promise of SA.
But to ask him to ‘perform’ like that, when we are just dogs in an open cage, is pathetic. It is tough to break somebody’s resistance, when you yourself are queasy about it.
I did not deserve this. We did not deserve this.
Maybe I am making an issue out of nothing. Maybe it is not such a huge thing at all. But as of now, I am not able to digest the suggestion. As of now, it is an issue for me.
I haven’t told DH about the next flavour of ice-cream we are going to try. But to ask somebody to serenade himself for the world to see, who is anyways a little less interested in the show-business is a tough call to make.
I. The Infertile. The Diplomat. The Crusader.
^WiseGuy^
I think it is a big deal. If it happens, I hope it will not be for nothing. That is, I hope that the results will be _helpful_ to you in your quest.
ReplyDeleteAll that aside...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you're in this position.
I had to google post coital test. It does feel a bit embarrassing, but hopefully it wont be more uncomfortable than a pap. Thats what i hear. If you decide to do it, I hope the results help. A prize for all the embarrassment, trouble and pain.
ReplyDeleteI think that while you have relations with your husband, don't think about what they're going to do the next day for the test. Just enjoy what you're doing with him. Then the next day, tell yourself it's basically a pap smear. Hopefully in that way it won't gross you out as much, and you won't feel as violated...
ReplyDeleteP.S. I actually wanted my RE to do a post-coital to see if we had a problem there, but he refused to do it saying it was an "antiquated" test, and that you can always do IUIs to get around cervical mucous. I still want it done, though. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Elana on this one. Have heard it is outdated and if IUI and IVF are on your plan, then the results don't matter. My understanding is that is offers information to those with religious objections to some IF procedures.
ReplyDeleteYou do not deserve any of this.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find a way around or through this.
xxx
I'm confused here (wouldn't be the first time) your hubbie hasn't done a SA? What's the point of any other test if you don't have SA results? It takes two to tango.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I always wonder about the same things as "IF Optimist, then..."
ReplyDeleteAlso, even if there is something there the treatment would be to take you chances and hope having intercourse on it's own would work, or try IUI instead. I'm a big believer in not bothering with tests if it won't change the course of your treatment, while I understand the benefit of knowing everything that is going on, I just personally think that if the treatment will be the same that it shouldn't matter too much. But, that of course is just me.
A post-coital test is the one thing that my useless OB did for me before I went to a specialist. It was awful. R1 and I fought about it the night before, so terribly that I told him that I wasn't even sure if I WANTED to have more babies with him! The only redeeming factor was that we made up at about 5am the morning I was taking the test, so the deed didn't feel so... assigned, even though it was. You have my sympathy - it was not something that I'd like to repeat... BUT, the end result will be worth it, right?
ReplyDeleteNo way Jose. That's an old-fashioned, of mixed validity, wildly non-specific, unhelpful test and I urge to you tell whoever it is who's pushing for it to go do more research!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC28641/
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2180299
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8582966
And if you do end up having it done, then remember that you have intercourse and turn up a few hours later for a smear. They ought not be requiring you to have intercourse in the hospital. (As if that would work anyway, not sure about yours, but my Big Guy would have a complete soft-on.)
oooh I'm all outraged for you.
I have heard that it is an outdated test that is on the way out.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, DH and I had one done three years ago. Personally, for me it was no different than all the other humiliating things I was putting myself through to conceive -- I didn't think twice about it. But if it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal to you. You are allowed to be pissed, and I'm pissed for you.
Nothing about infertility is fair. It totally strips us of our dignity.
ReplyDeleteLike others have said, I have read only about how its not useful for discovering any sort of "why" with infertility. So the fact that you are being pressured to get one "just in case" something new can be found is frustrating. If you do decide to do one, I would think of it as another pap smear too. Chalk it up to yet another visit with the cold stirriups.
ReplyDeleteSomeone commented about having to do in the hospital? For real?? That's outrageous and a 10 on the EQ scale.
Oh dear fucking g-d! That doesn't sound right. I've heard that its kinda controversial because of how allegedly UNhelpful it is to discover anything!
ReplyDeleteBut then again...coming from someone who ate pineapple core at 5.30 every day during a 2ww - I guess you have to do it so you can leave no stone unturned. Yes, I realise pineapple core has none of the chilling sexist innuendo and violation that a post coital test has.
I really think a little bit more research into this may be an idea. Cause if it isn't going to help any...
Decidedly unhelpful comment I realise. So, just sending you some support.
@IF Optimist, then...: What I meant is that DH has always been cooperative with SAs, but I am not sure of this one test, and his reaction to the idea.
ReplyDelete@Pundelina: Thank You...I have solid fodder now....I forgot to google the test. I just heard the suggestion and went 'Ugh'! Thank You!
@Everyone: Thank You for bearing with me when I rant.
That doesn't sound like much fun, but like the other gals said, ntohing about IF is fun. It's not fair and you DEFINETLY don't desreve it! I'm sorry!
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
I know dude. I know.
ReplyDeleteIt IS a big deal, I think your reaction is totally justified. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteDon't blame you a bit. I wouldn't be happy about the thought of it, much less actually doing the test.
ReplyDeleteHaving a postcoital done sounds as though the docs would be making you run backward, since you've already been through IVF. I wish you didn't have to do that - so mortifying. No exaggeration on the EQ. :(
ReplyDeleteYou are so right - the EQ is through the roof on that one. It took me weeks to even bring the courage to ask Hubby to do it.
ReplyDeleteSIGH. When is it enough?!?!
I don't think it's a disgusting test. Yet I understand your feelings about it. My RE doesn't do PCTs because he feels there isn't much to be seen from them. There are too many factors that can't be controlled.
ReplyDelete