I asked:
X, am I infertile?
I was told:
No. It is a matter of time.
Everything is a matter of time.
How much is enough time?
How much is not much time?
Is the statement denial? Or is it a failed attempt to console?
Is the statement an encouragement to persevere? Or is it relying on hope?
Is the statement meant to wriggle harmlessly out of the anguish? Or is it meant more to convince oneself rather than the enquirer?
What would your take on the reply be? [Especially, when you know that the person saying that (a) loves you a lot and (b) is expected to handle people more professionally, (c) is now being forced to face the fire not from a stranger, but by close family.]
^WiseGuy^
I think that everything depends on state of mind. At certain times in the past six years that I've been dealing with IF, I would have found comfort in that statement. At other times, I would have wanted to pull that person's voicebox out through the bottom of his/her foot. It's true that God has Perfect Timing - but it's equally true that it's heart breaking when His timing doesn't sync up with ours.
ReplyDeleteL said it well. I think that statement was meant as a demonstration of hope and faith but, there are times during our IF journey when that hope can be a brutal thing to deal with. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI think its an effort to save your feelings. So you may not get dejected and throw in the towel. So that you may continue your efforts for your sake and for X's sake too. Sigh! It is all too familiar to me.
ReplyDeleteMy exact reply would have been, "But ~when~ is my time?"
ReplyDeleteIF is so hard for people to understand. I equated it to a friend once as wanting something so very badly but only being able to ask for it once a month. And after being turned down, you have to wait a whole month to ask again. The passage of time is so very different when applied to IF.
I think I would answer in the same way. I don't like classifying myself as infertile (although to date I am) because it seems so final. It sounds like "Nope, that's it. No way you'll ever have children. Ever. Not going to happen." and I'm currently not at a place where I can accept that. When/if I have a child, I will not be infertile - just fertility challenged. It sounds much softer to me.
ReplyDeleteLynn said it well. I, too, question if I'm in denial, as I don't like the finality of "infertile".
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the time questions, I don't the exact measure of time that makes it "enough", but I do know that level of sadness, pain, and anguish have long surpassed "enough".
♥
It seems like it depends on the day how I would take that statement. But coming from X, you know that he loves you. He obviously has not given up hope. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteGosh, that's a tough one. The honest answer is that no one on earth knows if/when you will conceive. Unless it's God who is saying this, I would just take it as a comfort and a hope.
ReplyDeleteI would take it as an optimistic answer, not a misleading or false hope answer. I want someone to believe that this is all going to work out at some point. Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I need someone else to carry the hope.
ReplyDeleteI never know quite what is meant by this - is it just cos there's no real answer, and this kind of covers all bases?
ReplyDeleteBTW the Mad Ifers Tea Party has just started on The Pitter-Patter and you're already swigging back cups of tea with the other guests. Glad you could make it!
This would also upset me...but not knowing the person, I don't know where it comes from. My guess, like the others, is that it is as much to console you as to console them.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, this is a tough one as my first reaction was "what do you know?" but I do think that often people who aren't on this boat cannot be expected to answer loade questions like that cos they can't be expected to answer with the professionalism you talked about.
ReplyDeleteI do think they said it out of love for you and out of protection of themselves though.
xxxx
No advice... sorry... I just hope that it is only a matter of time... ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteFor me, while trying to be optimistic, it strikes me of the same vibe as "just bad luck". Sure, maybe, but that doesn't actually help does it? That being said, hearing it from someone who cares about you personally is different perhaps and not meant to be hurtful. But then again, those we love the most have the ability to hurt us the most even when they don't mean to.
ReplyDeleteI think it's hope. It may not be the best way to put it, or to have said it, but hope nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI suppose though it matters most who it's coming from and how you feel about each other- is it someone who would brush your feelings aside, someone who just wants to support you, someone who truly believes. And maybe you need to just ask them and get to the heart of it.
If the person is how you say it... I would get miffed, but ultimately realize that they are in as much pain as I am about the situation, and that they are just trying to stay hopeful and strong in the face of fear.
My husband and I clash about this a lot. He is hopeful and says things at times that make me angry because I feel like he doesn't get it, and sometimes he says things and it reminds me that I can get through this. I posted a little about it the other day, since it's been bothering me a lot lately.
My head would know that the statement was meant to give me hope, and to be a comfort.
ReplyDeleteBUT my heart would weep.
I'm sorry that AF has shown her ugly face again.
Big ((HUGS)) for you.
sometimes statements of hope seem so distant and unbelievable when the journey to this point has been so difficult. thinking of you
ReplyDeletea failed attempt to console. no one knows what the future holds, and so to say that x is a matter of time is a false comfort, i think.
ReplyDeletexxx
My husband would say that a lot. It was more of an expression of his wanting an answer that would help, but not knowing what to say.
ReplyDelete