Yesterday entailed a short journey to a place where some institutional activity was up, and I was expected for a 3 hour stint. As I made my way to the target, I suddenly became aware of the awful condition of the road….I was making my way into a corner of the city I did not do a regular beat on.
The rains and apathy had done the needful….I was aware of the roughness, the jolts, and such, and very worried. Of course, it was not my vehicle that was the cause of the scare, it was a possibility.
I have been given a sweet word in the comments to the last word – patience. I have never been able to associate that with myself.
This whole self-imposed waiting-for-Tuesday is a simple defense mechanism in place to save me from the dark clouds of the sheer depression of never having had any whoopee beta results…never have I seen one good report for myself, and when I went for a beta to fox Ms. AF (by not POASing first), it did not do me good either.
Nothing will stun me more than a beta that is contrary to the BFNs that the pee-sticks indicate. It is ironic that the brand of pee-sticks I use call themselves Makesure….Is it Makesure Positive or Makesure Negative? I do not know.
Anyways, coming back to the short bumpy road-trip….I was very worried…I have lately been very conscious of my movements – laughing hard, bending, climbing up and down the stairs, dragging any load, lifting objects and so on.
The other thing is that I tend to sleep on my stomach. And I feel guilty, as if by doing so, I may be hurting my own chances. I can’t sleep on my back, I do take turns…but the best sleep happens when I sleep stomach-down. What am I protecting?
^WiseGuy^
The hope and the despair of the unknown... it is too much to bear sometimes. I hope you have the whoopee beta results that you so deserve.
ReplyDeleteI think it's Makesure either way. Some people are praying for a positive, and some people for a negative, but in both cases, you want the test to be accurate.
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you're feeling. Yesterday the acupuncturist told me not to take long hot showers or let myself get overheated in any way. I came home to walk the dog and it was rainy and cool so I put my raingear on and 15 minutes into our 90-minute walk, the sun came out and there was a heat wave! So there I was, boiling to death in my raingear, convinced that I had cooked my goose! Here's to strong, resilient, whoopee embryos!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're protecting that peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteThis is purse torture for you and it makes me so angry that you're having to go through this. I know that's a bit over dramatic, but it's how I feel! I just want you to have your dreams come true!
*HUGS*
You are protecting yourself, your feeling, your heart, and your dreams. {{{Hugs}}} and thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteHoping you get the news you won't let yourself believe - but if AF is THIS late??? Sticks can be wrong. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteEverything you're saying sounds familiar to me, though I've never been in your position, I think I would be having those thoughts, being that careful, worrying that much.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and hoping that the hours fly by until Tuesday and that the answer is what we all want it to be.
Hoping for a positive answer for you on Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteI've never been good at the patience thing.
Here's to a positive on Tuesday!!!
ReplyDeleteI sleep on my stomach too, and when I was pregnant I only stopped when my belly became uncomfortable to sleep on. I don't think it means anything.
ReplyDeleteI'm baaad at the patience thing too! I'm only 6dpo and already checking for symptoms and wondering when to test.
Fingers crossed for you.
(toes too!)
xxx
I wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog! So here I am to return a virtual hug back to you. I know the HPT was negative but it ain't over until the fat lady sings! And until your knickers are white of course! Wishing you a great surprise on tuesday when you'll test again. Love, Fran
ReplyDelete*ICLW*
Sending good vibes your way in time for Tuesday! LOL on the Maksure brand name of the HPT. You're right, it can go either way!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this cycle!
ReplyDelete~ICLW~
Ugh- the unknown. I hope Tuesday's unknown is a good one...
ReplyDelete1 part self-preservation, 2 parts patience, IMO. By now I would have crossed over the threshold of, "I NEED to know NOW", so you have certainly outdone me.
ReplyDeleteTuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. I'll be waiting.
Oh, the IF roller coaster is such a bitch, isn't it? I'm holding out hope for you. I know it's tough to get your hopes up after so much disappointment though. I'll be checking back on you!
ReplyDelete-ICLW
Thanks for stopping by my blog! So sorry to hear that you are going through the roller coaster - it sucks to have to constantly wonder what is going on with our bodies. I will be thinking about you this week and checking up!
ReplyDeleteICLW
The darn drama of it all, eh? Wishing Tuesday comes fast and has a happy surprise. It's okay to want to protect yourself. It's only natural after everything. Hope can be a very hard thing to hold on to.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by my blog. Uh, the dreaded wait. The hoping and the not wanting to get your hopes up. The thinking about it yet not wanting to think about it because it can drive you mad.
ReplyDeleteHoping for positive results.
You did good with your guess - You got it :-)
Argh! Did I say you got it? I mismatched your response with someone else's. What a way to confuse people! Can't even play my own game. So, thanks for the congrats -- you'd need another guess though :-)
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by! there is nothing worse than the 2ww and worry about a beta! good luck tuesday!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Wiseguy - its almost Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the insanity!
ICLW#52
Positive for me was only the OPK. We've just got to get me to make it through the 2ww.
ReplyDeleteYou are meant to be a mother - it is instinctual for you to want to protect.
ReplyDeleteI hope Tuesday brings you the much deserved news you want to hear and much joy.
I've spent a good bit of the last 2 hours reading this and old posts. Your honesty makes me instantly add yours to my blogroll! I too hope that Tuesday brings surprising news. Is it possible that you O'd later than you thought? I'm sorry if this info is in old posts and I didn't see it. I also say this b/c it is the only explanation for no period and neg pee sticks. I'm guessing they'll check your progesterone too during the blood test to find out if you O'd. I hope this is the case! I also appreciated your comment so much...as it reaches to the essence of what I'm getting at...we can all have our opinions, but what makes momma happy is all that matters. Maybe it really is a non-issue! In fact, I know it is. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteWish I had advice for the patience thing, but I'm horrible at it. Tarot cards, maybe?
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! I hope you get great and surprising news on Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteThinking great thoughts for you for tomorrow!!!
ReplyDeleteUngh. Sorry about the roller coaster ride. Thinking of you.
ReplyDelete