So, this is a continuation of this post. Questions that I posed there became a part of another stellar TT post by BabySmiling. And I totally am in awe of how well she articulates her opinion.
Before I begin saying what came out for me through your comments, I would like to replicate a part of my comment that I left on BabySmiling's post....so that there is no confusion about what I expected from the reciprocity.
Quoting from BabySmiling's:
"Wiseguy talked about the frustration that can come from commenting regularly on someone’s blog yet never hearing back from them via comment or email. After a while, she gives up and stops reading, as do ...."
Quoting from my response on her blog:
"Bless my sweet heart. Nopes, I haven’t stopped reading at all (my last stop on hers was yesterday), but yes, now I no longer leave comments (that’s my devil side)."
And if you have no idea about what the post is about, then you should really perhaps go back here and read it in full.
Am so grateful for the wonderful responses that I have received on the post - every single one of them.
With minute and not so minute differences, six different flavours of comment reciprocity have emerged! Six different!
A. There are people who have opined that not receiving any comments would not stop them from participating in ICLW/ commenting on other blogs.
B. Another approach is of bloggers who espouse either leaving thoughtful comments or not really leaving any comments at all. In fact, one point that was made stated -
"ultimately returning comments is a lower priority for me than writing my own posts and reading/commenting on the 100 blogs on my list."
C. I also had another branching out, when a blogger thought that perhaps, an occasional comment from somebody who was frequented by the other, would be nice. I would also like to infer that even a small one-liner would also indicate that atleast a response was generated (?).
D. A very interesting thing stated was to use the extra minutes saved from the non-commenters could be utilized on those who did have a dialogue.
E. Feelings experienced included 'hurt' and 'discouragement' by the lack of commenting from a blogger that others had assiduously followed. In such a case, possibly a path to C would have saved the hurt?
F. Another perspective came in the form of being safe, when commenting on any blog for the first time...a generic hugs comment would always be appropriate. Associated with the same approach was the one comment which stated that in case it is difficult to connect with the other blogger, a non-comment was preferable to a comment which came across as insincere.
A classic response was:
"I do my best to remember that I am posting my blog entries AS WELL AS my comments because *I* want to. Not because I am seeking a return "favor." I need to adjust my expectations, be grateful for the comments I do get, and walk through blogland being true to myself."
Loved it, people! My approach out of the above six would perhaps be closest to D.
Can you recognize your own commenting pattern from the above six?
I won’t judge any of the approaches, and I think that they all have their own merits attached to them.
On a very different note, I have been a bit disturbed and distraught with a sad development I became aware of in the afternoon today. I won’t reveal the who-what-where unless she herself reveals it. Hope.
^WiseGuy^
So fun to keep the dialogue going!
ReplyDeleteYou already know that I am a B commenter, since that quote came from me.
I am also distraught over that same development. Sadly the ratio of happy to unhappy outcomes is not as high in our community as it is in most places.
So I have a little time to kill while dh goes to pick up the rental car, so I have a moment to comment.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love receiving comments- it reminds me I'm a part of something and that my words can/ do have an impact on people. However, when I first started my blog I wrote mostly for myself. I had a couple of friends who read my posts (as one can tell from my earliest posts), but by and large, I sought to get down in visible words, the thoughts in my head. I love to write and found blogging gave me a focus, a direction if you will.
When I found the ALI Community after my 2nd loss, the true nature and possibilities of blogging became real and apparent. I had no idea that reading and commenting on another's blog would spill into the tidal wave it's become for me in terms of reciprocity.
I have regular people who read my words and comment (such as your lovely self). Then there are others who follow my blog and never, or rarely, comment. I don't take exception to this. Quite the opposite. The fact that anyone cares what I write still amazes me after all this time. I like to hear what people are thinking but I wouldn't stop writing or reading other blogs if I never heard from anyone.
My commenting style, is get this, a mix of several of the above. Bet that doesn't surprise you. :) I consider myself a situational commenter. If I have the time and/or energy, I will leave a comment. Sometimes it's thoughtful, other times it's a simply a "I was here and I heard what you said and I'm offering my support" kind of comment. But sometimes there are no words that can adequately express what I want/ need to say, so I don't say anything at all. Also, if 20 some-odd people have all commented and said similar things to what I was thinking, it's hard to come up with something original and meaningful. So I take every situation as decide what makes sense in that case. Does that make any sense at all? lol.
I'm a C with a side of B. I know I don't comment nearly enough, but I don't have time to do much more than read posts nowadays. I'm so bad about it, but I do read and I luv you in any case! :-)
ReplyDeleteI’m definitely a mix of the styles - I’ll comment mostly when I can add to the conversation but I will also comment to show support and sometimes to just say hi, I still read but mostly it’s when I can add something thoughtful and sincere, I’m not really god at the one-liners. I don’t always comment regularly and I’m sure some of the writers of the many blogs I read have no idea that I click through daily and I wouldn’t stop writing / commentating etc if I didn’t get any comments – that’s not why I write or why I comment.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I should comment on the comment post, but I have a sinus infection and I don't think I can think of something brilliant...
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't know where I fit, but I do feel like it is so complicated!! I honestly don't spend that much time thinking about who isn't commenting on my blog... I have a lot of support and have developed wonderful relationships from commenters, and often get involved in reading/commenting in their lives as well. But if it doesn't gel, why force it?
ReplyDeleteI would like to repeat everything the Steadfast Warrior wrote in her comment. She said what I was thinking, but could not have said so well. In fact, I'm not even sure it was so coherent or clear in my mind, but that is what kind of commentor I am--if we can even say that is a "type." :)
ReplyDeleteGuess I'm a mix too depending on the particular blog, how much time I have, and like it has been mentioned, do I have an insightful comment to offer, especially if there are already umpteen comments.
ReplyDeleteI guess it would be nice to get more comments, but I'm new to blogging anyway, and since I tend to read a lot of blogs in a hurry and not comment, although I'm trying to comment more, I'm sure others who may come across mine are doing likewise.
Steadfast Warrior's final paragraph sums it up for me. When I'm going through crap I tend to be more of a comment taker than a giver, as I tend to hide out and go quiet even IRL through tough times. However, even when I'm down, I'm always there reading all of my blogs and when there is someone going through some serious crap of their own, I always try to leave some words for them, even if it's just "I'm here and I hear."
ReplyDeleteI am not sure where i fit....but I try my very best to comment on the blogs I read even if it is a (hug). I tend to go into myself when waiting for news....but those comments to me during those times mean the world....thus my attempt to acknowledge when someone else is going through a bad time. With new commentors, I try to follow them back and do comment on their blog if it is new to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for both of these posts - real food for thought! It also opens my eyes to how other bloggers may feel. Especially when they are so different from my own.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your sad turn of events . . . thinking of you . . .
Did you see that Murgdan wrote about this topic in response as well?
ReplyDeleteHey - thanks for all your comments lately on my blog. I will try to be better...
Mo
Gack. On her blog a couple of posts back. Murgdan that is.
ReplyDeletelove that you started this discussion. :)))
ReplyDeleteI think commenting is an important part of blogging. I do blog for myself, but I blog for my readers as well. It is important for me to know I'm not alone in my journey and comments make me feel part of a community, this is why I make a point of commenting back. I did take a break recently (as you know), but being back in the blogworld means both things to me, writing as well as commenting.
oooh, it feels good to be back!!! I've missed you!
I'm very bad at responding to comments and your post has made me feel a little guilty to be honest. But my lack of response has nothing to do with anything other than I never really thought it was a big deal.
ReplyDeleteFood for thought!