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Somebody Told Me You Can Read


Dear God,

This is not an I love you letter. I am not even begging for deliverance.

I believe you exist. If not for your secret plans, men might have made this planet a really boring place to be in.

I could Coldplay you with Don’t Panic or I could even dedicate U2’s Beautiful Day to you. But you can’t be U2ed. You are indeed U1 only.

You know, I have this blue gown that I really adore. It’s the one which has tiny peach flowers, and a very close fit. I pass the full length mirror often and I think my side profile is very unflattering.

I have a neat bump. I could easily pass for four months. But it’s no baby, it’s just gas. I just wanted to know how much gas do you think makes for a with-child kind of a bump.

I am not whining. I just want to stay clear from the charge of you-should-have-told-me-this-before. You can never now say that I did not say it.



^WiseGuy^




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Comments

  1. Sunny19 June 2009 at 21:26

    Ugh, I hate my not-a-baby bump! I was looking at pictures of myself from a graduation party a couple of weekends ago, and I can't believe that no one asked me if I was pregnant. :P Hoping we both have a "real" bump very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  2. one-hit_wonder20 June 2009 at 03:51

    Brilliant lines: "I could even dedicate U2’s Beautiful Day to you. But you can’t be U2ed. You are indeed U1 only."

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnotherDreamer20 June 2009 at 05:56

    Uh, lol. I'm sorry the not a baby bump, but gas, part killed me. Sorry hun.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Liv20 June 2009 at 19:50

    I'm sorry you are suffering the bloat bump and not the baby bump. As if mother nature doesn't jack up enough stuff by allowing such fertility to those that neither deserve it nor want it...but this too? Oh, that's so not right.

    Good job with the post. One of the most honest pieces I've read.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful Mess20 June 2009 at 23:38

    That's not fair at all! I want you to have the baby bump NOT the gas bump! Maybe we can take pictures and compare our gas bumps. I'm pretty sure mine might rival yours.
    Love ya girlie!
    *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete
  6. becomingwhole21 June 2009 at 03:27

    I really love the way your mind works and the way you express it in language. If you wrote a book I would buy it and read it right away, no matter what the topic (well, I don't really do math so much).

    ReplyDelete
  7. In Due Time21 June 2009 at 10:33

    I hate the gas bump!

    I wear babydoll shirts and I just know people probably think I'm pregnant. I'm just fat, though. Sniff.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kymberli21 June 2009 at 17:28

    OMG...it takes remarkable talent to write in a way that makes a reader want to both laugh and cry at the same time. I don't know why I don't read YOU more often. Problem solved - you're added to my reader now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. S21 June 2009 at 19:42

    hahahahaha...omg I can totally relate. I look about 7 months along and I'm not even remotely close.

    Fucking SUCKS!

    I call it the "too many IVF cycles" bump.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Two Shorten the Road21 June 2009 at 22:28

    I hope your gas bump is replaced by a baby bump really soon. :)

    ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  11. Alana22 June 2009 at 00:21

    Sorry to chuckle on your account, but if it's any consolation I (sadly) relate to the non-baby bump.

    Wishing you a BFP soon! :)

    *ICLW*

    ReplyDelete
  12. mommysomeday22 June 2009 at 01:02

    Thanks for the ICLW welcome! It's nice to meet you! Can't wait to get caught up... mommysomeday@charter.net

    ReplyDelete
  13. ak_sapphire22 June 2009 at 02:58

    ICLW ~ i've thought the same things many times, talking to god and *making sure* he hears me. i too have a bump, but no baby in my arms. unfortunately i can't blame mine on gas. rocky road ice cream just shows up in my freezer and i feel guilty letting it go to waste.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Echloe22 June 2009 at 05:08

    This is why I pray to the lady that invented spanx.


    ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  15. Melissa G22 June 2009 at 07:41

    Thanks for commenting on my blog! We just might have to arm wrestle over Ewan McGregor!

    Great post, I love the Cold Play reference, well played. MUCH luck with your upcoming cycle!

    ReplyDelete
  16. daega9922 June 2009 at 15:09

    Thanks for visiting my blog!!!! Great to meet you!

    ICLW #31

    ReplyDelete
  17. ryanandjoesmom22 June 2009 at 21:14

    Thanks for visiting my blog for my very first ICLW. Wishing that the gas bump converts into a baby bump for you real soon. So pleased that you put two of my favorite bands into your letter to God. I am taking it as a good sign!

    If you don't mind, I am going to stick around and do a little exploring...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tina22 June 2009 at 22:57

    Just like all the previous commentors, I loved your post. Ugh, I have so been there with the gas baby bump. Is it bad that I will show J and his eyes always get really big?

    I hope you get your real bump soon!

    Tina
    ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  19. eyeheartinternet22 June 2009 at 23:34

    Haha, that sounds pretty similar too some of my own prayers (though I hadn't talked to the big guy about U2 yet). Hope he heard & snds you a bump filled with something other than gas. /:

    ReplyDelete
  20. A Nutchell23 June 2009 at 00:31

    haha! OH, do I know what you are saying!

    ReplyDelete
  21. B.23 June 2009 at 01:22

    Boooh for non-baby bumps. I actually went out and bought a BeBand (another blog informed me that Target carries them- surprise, surprise) so I won't have to button my pants during my next not-baby-bump. Just because it's not full of baby doesn't mean we should be comfy!

    Good luck!!!!

    ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  22. tomi23 June 2009 at 05:10

    ((((HUGS))))

    ReplyDelete
  23. PFM23 June 2009 at 07:21

    Cute post. I have a bump but its only because I carry all my weight in my stomach ( i am the apple on toothpicks body type) and i have been eating too much ice cream lately.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Lisa RM23 June 2009 at 07:49

    You'll get to the baby bump soon enough...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Me23 June 2009 at 08:11

    I've had that kind of baby bump before! No fun. - Tkeys
    *ICLW*

    ReplyDelete

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