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Cards on the Table


With the last hand that Fate dealt me, I was forced to ‘show’ my cards and surrender them for the time being…



I read this Donald Rumsfeld quote somewhere that ‘The world is full of known-knowns, known-unknowns and unknown-unknowns’. Even though I never really have evaluated Rumsfeld stature in shaping up our world, for me those words rings truer again and again.

The anticipated/awaited August cycle is out of the door for me. Even though my advisor wants me to finish my work by September, I personally think it is unrealistic and hence, I shall be trying to realize that dream in a little longer duration.

Till the time my final thesis gets submitted into the university and my final Viva happens, there is no calendar window that I can use for a two-month stimming fest.

Now, even though I can’t do IVF/ICSI, and I have no faith in IUI, I can still keep trying, naturally. Is that not fair?

I am still not decided on ultrasounds-directed sex, but I can work up with the little knowledge that I have, right?

I am going to keep trying…no matter what…(considering how fantastically productive we have been on our own – natural conception = ZERO times)!

Maybe Cara’s chaos theory will hold true for me.

In other news, I had a strange dream on Saturday morning – I was standing outside the gates of a building. It was broad daylight and three kids were standing outside the gates. I had gone to adopt this small boy I had seen before. So, I asked one of the kids about where he was. Well the kids replied – “Don’t you know? He died. He died of cancer”.

A fucked-up dream, right? I can’t believe what I am seeing.


^WiseGuy^


Image Courtesy: http://hatrabbit.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/blues.jpg
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Comments

  1. becomingwhole9 June 2009 at 23:54

    Infertility "grinder" is right. I'm sorry to the "millionth" degree. Life can be funny in some not very funny ways. I am not trying to compare situations, but I remember coming against one roadblock after another, after another.

    I love this image, by the way. I hope you fine some moments of calm and peace. (please, comment, go through!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. one-hit_wonder10 June 2009 at 03:42

    What a crappy dream. :( :( :(

    I'm sorry about the delay. It sucks. Wishing you a speedy completion of the thesis.

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. katery10 June 2009 at 04:41

    it's the waiting around that really sucks, maybe there will be a miracle and you'll get your bfp naturally!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Steadfast Warrior10 June 2009 at 06:27

    In a way, infertility is a known-unknown in that you know about it but have no idea what the outcome will be.

    It must have been so hard to decide to wait but I know you have definitely weighed all the odds and chosen the best for the time being. Doesn't mean it still doesn't suck!

    What an awful dream! Hope you have better ones- or you can be like me and rarely remember your dreams at all. Useful, very useful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful Mess10 June 2009 at 09:32

    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you had to make this decision. I know it wasn't an easy choice for you to make. Please don't give up! Keep doing what you can and I do think you can work with the knowledge that you have.
    That dream was not fair, especially right now!
    *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnotherDreamer11 June 2009 at 00:31

    Sorry you had to make such a tough decision. But, you're not giving up, and so I wish you the best of luck hun. May both achievements be realized.

    And what a strange dream. I'm going into interpretation mode... fears of lost potentials through time and indecision? Since the adopted child was a possible future, but the dream you waited too long to have him, and even then... he was gone and would have been gone. Maybe. It would certainly tie into the tough decisions you've had to make lately. (*hugs*)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Photogrl12 June 2009 at 07:58

    ((HUGS)) What a hard decision to make...I know you've debated for a quite a while on this.

    Nothing wrong with not giving up still.

    More ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete

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