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Who Wants to Be an Infertillionaire?

Other title for this post - Poster Girl of Subfertile Idiocy!

Yes....that's what I feel.

Tuesday, I went for a hush-hush blood draw - a quiet check on beta levels...

I was scared of HPTs, so I fooled the bitch by going for the big kill.

Today, the report came : <1 whatever. I am not pregnant....

You know what I feel? Can I begin to even use words? I have run out of abuses. Actually, I don't even care.

I am.


Hopeless. Miserable. Gloomy. Depressed. Stupid. Angry. Helpless. Hopeless. Miserable. Gloomy. Depressed. Angry. Helpless. Stupid. Hopeless. Miserable. Gloomy. Depressed. Angry. Stupid. Helpless.

How could a girl who had to go up to the level of IVFwICSI think that she may have gotten knocked up the cheap, old fashioned way?


^WiseGuy^
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Comments

  1. sharonvw1 April 2009 at 18:59

    I have the same problem, if you figure out the answer on our level of stupidity, please share it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Io1 April 2009 at 19:00

    I'm sorry that Hope came and hit you upside the head like that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. L1 April 2009 at 19:07

    The cycle continues, and not the one we track every month... The other one - the one where we feel hopeless, depressed, stupid, helpless. Rinse, repeat.

    But this too shall pass. Hope will be revived, and holding your sweet baby in your arms will make all of the horrible cycle worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. one-hit_wonder1 April 2009 at 20:13

    :( :( :(

    I hate that bitch, hope.

    :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baby Smiling In Back Seat1 April 2009 at 20:19

    Sorry about the negative.

    Once we moved onto IVF, we stopped trying the old fashioned way on non-treatment months. Seemed pointless anyway, and messed with my head too much.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Polly Gamwich1 April 2009 at 22:32

    Oh man I'm so sorry I was really hopeful for you and I think your sentiment is right on ... it's so hard to believe that something good can happen to us (getting knocked up on the cheap - as you put it!) when all it seems is that bad things happen :-(

    I'm so sorry, big hugs for you - be angry! I know I would be pissed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dora2 April 2009 at 00:24

    Damn! Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cara2 April 2009 at 01:06

    Shit. Did you read the riot act to the hope that was following you?

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Raggedy Ann2 April 2009 at 02:20

    I'm so sorry. It hurts like hell! A big bear hug!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Barbara2 April 2009 at 02:28

    Pfffffttt!

    But there's nothing wrong or stupid about hoping. Without a little hope what would we do?

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  11. S2 April 2009 at 04:50

    Don't know what to say so I'll just say

    "FUCK"

    S X

    ReplyDelete
  12. Faith2 April 2009 at 05:11

    It happens to the best of us -- if we don't have hope, we are truly lost. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Photogrl2 April 2009 at 06:49

    That is the worst!

    ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
  14. MrsSpock2 April 2009 at 07:17

    Cursed Hope!

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnotherDreamer2 April 2009 at 07:33

    Sorry hun :(

    (*hugs*)

    ReplyDelete
  16. S2 April 2009 at 18:37

    love, you're totally entitled to have that deep, dark and postBFNpathetic "wishful thinking"... we've all had at at one stage or the other... I remember "imagining" myself pregnant after we came back from our honeymoon in India, what a joke, it would have been a miracle and then some!

    Feel shitty and angry. You're entitled to, for losing that hope.

    But I know you'll bounce back again. Thats what all of us (suckers) do so well.

    I'm sorry it was a BFN. grr. hope's a fucking bitch.

    ReplyDelete

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