So, I wrote about this in another post, but was really whining about something else, so this issue became a victim of oversight.
My hubby's boss is asking us to accompany him to a temple in his hometown. He is basically going there as a thanksgiving for the birth of his son (his second child). Apparently, as reported by him, the temple is a hit with both fertiles as well as infertiles.
Fertiles go there to thank for the healthy offspring, and infertiles go there to get God to listen to their prayers.
I have problems with that theory.
I am not agnostic. I pray. I celebrate God in my own way, even if I am not hot on rituals. Believe me, I am an unusual entity in the kind of settings in which I am existing.
My mother has elaborate rituals attached to her prayer routine. But she was not always like that. Over the years, she has discovered her own way.
I too want to do the same thing. I don't want God to be heaped on me. If I come out with more rituals, it would be because my heart gives permission to.
One more question - Is the answer to unanswered prayers, even more prayers?
As a kid, I was told that God listens to those who are genuine in their prayers. That had nothing to do with what was said and how long was God convened!
I did not like the fact that DH's boss had the audacity to offer divine help for my infertility. Maybe he just wanted to help. But I don't like people referring to our barren existence. And tell me, if God is listening, I would have been a mother already!
If I conceived after the Thursday temple jig, the entire credit of the conception will get ladled to His Divine Highness. What about my efforts? Or DH's sperm?
Maybe I should start believing that if I prayed hard enough, I would not need sex or ART at all!
Am I sounding goofy?
I am feeling goofy.
I am going to the temple....for nothing but checking out a new city, a train trip, a break from work, and whatever else comes along, but I am struggling to find meaning or faith in the claim, that suddenly all stars would align favourably and grant my yelling request of the past few years.
How do you figure out the role of God or his lack of role, in your struggle to have a baby, or to have it survive?
^WiseGuy^
(P.S. Don't go shooting DH's boss for his transgression. My hubby and his boss are also friends and do share stuff. I am not as close. Focus on God, not the agent.)
My hubby's boss is asking us to accompany him to a temple in his hometown. He is basically going there as a thanksgiving for the birth of his son (his second child). Apparently, as reported by him, the temple is a hit with both fertiles as well as infertiles.
Fertiles go there to thank for the healthy offspring, and infertiles go there to get God to listen to their prayers.
I have problems with that theory.
I am not agnostic. I pray. I celebrate God in my own way, even if I am not hot on rituals. Believe me, I am an unusual entity in the kind of settings in which I am existing.
My mother has elaborate rituals attached to her prayer routine. But she was not always like that. Over the years, she has discovered her own way.
I too want to do the same thing. I don't want God to be heaped on me. If I come out with more rituals, it would be because my heart gives permission to.
One more question - Is the answer to unanswered prayers, even more prayers?
As a kid, I was told that God listens to those who are genuine in their prayers. That had nothing to do with what was said and how long was God convened!
I did not like the fact that DH's boss had the audacity to offer divine help for my infertility. Maybe he just wanted to help. But I don't like people referring to our barren existence. And tell me, if God is listening, I would have been a mother already!
If I conceived after the Thursday temple jig, the entire credit of the conception will get ladled to His Divine Highness. What about my efforts? Or DH's sperm?
Maybe I should start believing that if I prayed hard enough, I would not need sex or ART at all!
Am I sounding goofy?
I am feeling goofy.
I am going to the temple....for nothing but checking out a new city, a train trip, a break from work, and whatever else comes along, but I am struggling to find meaning or faith in the claim, that suddenly all stars would align favourably and grant my yelling request of the past few years.
How do you figure out the role of God or his lack of role, in your struggle to have a baby, or to have it survive?
^WiseGuy^
(P.S. Don't go shooting DH's boss for his transgression. My hubby and his boss are also friends and do share stuff. I am not as close. Focus on God, not the agent.)
I don't believe in God, which enforces my lack of belief in him actually having any input into my fertility issues. My good friend H prays for me though, which I find a bit disconcerting. I often wonder what she says to her God.
ReplyDeleteOne of my other religious buddies (yes, I have too many to mention) told me that God isn't giving me anything I can't cope with right now.
Hmmm....... I'm a bit pissed that God gave me a miscarriage instead of a baby and felt I could cope with that better.
You believe what you want to believe babe. Whatever is going to work for you.
As I mentioned before, a good mate sent me a wee charm thing, and neither of us believe in any of that jazz but it was nice to receive it in the mail as I know she is thinking of me.
I'll shut up now and stop babbling on.
Just have fun at the temple thingy.
It can't hurt, right?
I love the idea of God convening - I wonder what his "chambers" would look like.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hot post girl...I could hijack with a big long comment, but I'll just say this - you know what your heart is asking of you...stick with that.
i love that you are able to appreciate god in your own way, i find organized religion and it's exclusivity dangerous, believe what we believe or your going to hell, marry this person or your going to hell, i don't like it.
ReplyDeleteoh man, i made one of my most hated grammatical errors in that comment, your instead of you're!
ReplyDeleteI think, as long as you're keeping your mind and heart open to the experience, it can't hurt. Although, I REALLY dislike it when people tell me "God only gives you what you can handle". If it's suppose to make one feel better, it's missing the mark by MILES! I don't care for all the "rules" put into religion. There shouldn't be rules in any one person's beliefs. Enjoy the trip and make sure you tell us ALL bout it when you come back.
ReplyDeleteI used to be like you. I said, I would pray and connect with God at my own pace. And so I did. Over the last couple of years... that connection has just waned off. I am not going to blame it completely on IF and my miscarriage, but it is a part of it too!
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you on visiting temples for curing IF. And ditto on publicizing my IF. That is one of the most important reasons why I haven't told any of my extended family abt our conditions! Cause, I know for a fact that the minute I tell them, they will ask me to do this to God, attend this temple, tell this prayer everyday... Blah! I feel for you.
Yikes. I follow your line of thinking, as I am feeling the same way.
ReplyDeleteGod has become a very, very difficult issue for me. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian home and community, but because of this PESKY infertility nonsense, my belief in Him/Her has certainly taken a beating. But I have seen enough evidence to know that God exists, and that He/She is outside of the 'box' that humans have constructed. So I don't know what to do about any of that.
90% of my belief re: infertility is that modern medicine either will or won't be able to help me. The other 10% prays and prays and prays. I hope the two aren't antithetical.
You don't sound goofy at all. I am curious to know what you will do.
Wow, this is such a timely post. I have been struggling with this exact thing in my mind. I am a fervent Christian, my life's blessings are all due to the glory of God and I know that in the end all things work out to his favor. Having a husband survive an tour of duty in Iraq was more that enough to solidify my belief in God and continue to give him praise and glory.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this infertility situation has been a true test of faith - and honestly I am stumped in terms of how God plays into this. I continue to put my faith in him because he has never let me down and my entire life is a testiment of situations that worked out in the end and I know it was all divine intervention. But then I wonder why I would be tested and tortured with the pain of not being able to conceive.
In the end I continue to have faith that maybe God sees something ahead that I do not and in his infinite wisdom has decided now is not the time. As hard as that is for me to accept - it is the best I can come up with. I guess just trying to hold on to my faith that has gotten me this far. I also believe that God has blessed us with the technologies to address our various IF issues.
Although I am a true believer, I am not too keen on the fertility temple thing. But hey, I am never one to knock another person's beliefs. It really cannot hurt, and may be fun. Definitely cannot wait to read about it.
I have said this before, but it is still true. People who say "God will give you a baby" Must then also be saying "God is withholding a baby."
ReplyDeleteWe never know what God has planned for us. I always think about how I prayed to God for a child to care for and my 20 year old brother in law moved in with us. For a YEAR. We helped him get on his feet, since like most college students he was dead broke and somewhat clueless. He is now making more money than me and my husband put together. He followed all our advice about not wasting his money on a fancy new car. I really feel that although we did not raise him, we did give him a final polish.
I kept praying for a baby, someone I could bathe and feed and dress and cuddle. Then my Mom got sick and had to move in with us, and ended up on hospice. I had to bathe and feed and dress her. You know, I learned a lot about myself while taking care of my mother. She is better for now- stable at least.
But I do think it is mmm shortsighted to say that a God who loves us and can see the deepest desire of our hearts, would give or withhold a baby. "Oh no baby for Celia, she did not pray hard enough. But here is one for the crack whore." It's not like that. God does have a plan, it can just take a while for us to see our place in it.