...On the night of 19th when my breasts became hard and sore to touch, the nurses brought me hot water bottles rather than my baby. I should have known. ...Birdman was apparently away to Very Big City with our baby. Every SMS update sent to me about her after 16th Jan was fake. I was a donkey eating at his trough. I should have known. ...Visitors who came to see me in the hospital did not look me straight in the eye. I should have known. ...My mother sounded reluctant every time I asked her on a timeline on when my stitches would be cut and I could travel to Very Big City. I should have known. ...I grieved at how many pricks and tubes were affixed to my little baby while she lay cold and unfeeling at the bottom of an earth pit fatigued from all the effort she put into staying alive. I should have known. ...Family dropped clues on how oxygen deprivation could affect the brain. I spelt it out for them. I told them that Lola was my daughter even if she came out r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d from the o...
It's not stupid, you're just hopeful - and there's nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteAnd to me, that means that you've still got some positivity left.
Chin up babes, chin up.
((((((HUGS))))))
S X
Its not stupid, and these things happen all the time, granted, it happens to other people, but it could happen to us too!
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Oh Sweets - there is always a chance in our hearts.
ReplyDeletexoxo
There's always a chance, and always heartbreaking when what we want doesn't happen.
ReplyDeleteHugs!!
(the "other" S)
It's crushing and it sucks.
ReplyDeletexxx
we feel stupid for being hopeful... and this hope happens again and again, because we keep hearing stories of miracles like that happening. It sucks to feel foolish for having believed that we could have been the lucky ones for once.
ReplyDeleteBut you are not foolish. You are a beautiful hopeful woman.
big, big hugs.
It's not stupid... It is torture and it hurts very much. I'm sorry.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
I'm sorry :(
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
Hun its not stupid. We all have that hope that somehow something worked out right. Especially since the process is supposed to be so simple and easy.
ReplyDeleteHugz - we have all been there.
You are not stupid!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? This is hard enough on its own.
ReplyDelete(*hugs*)
ReplyDeleteHey... wishful thinking is not stupid thinking. And its ok to be hopeful. That is what helps us move forward.
ReplyDelete