Good Doctor Hunting

This is a lengthy post, and I did much rather have you read it at leisure than to have you hastily skim through. It is not brimming with opinion, just historical perspective.

I just want to document the whole list of doctors; I have gone to with fertility related troubles. It is more of my desire to remember the misses, before I found my current one. I am most likely to be shaky in the details and might jumble up a bit as well. But I will keep on editing or modifying this if, as and when needed.

2003

The one doctor, who has been my stable rock, is my mother (Dr. V) who is into Obstetrics and Gynaecology. With her reference, I went to meet Dr. AB in 2003 regarding some advice about which contraceptive to use.

2004

For almost the entire 2004, I was quiet on the IF front because I was using BCPs and had zero inkling of what lay ahead.

October-November 2004, was my first go at having a baby. I would still rate my efforts at having a baby as passive. I took advice from V as to how to get off the BCPs.

In November 2004, I changed base. Hubby stayed on in J and I took a step towards martyrdom by shifting in with in-laws in City I. I had spent the preceding year, adjusting with DH; my next challenge was his family.

2005

In 2005, I went for my first ovulation study. V kept on telling me that it would eventually happen. Visits from DH (who was now in G) were erratic, and sometimes at times which were inopportune. The sonologist was Dr. S. The Ovulation study reported a healthy apparatus. DH had his first cup experience, and he came out with flying colours.

The justification that we were just unlucky with the timing was well-received by me. Around that time, I became especially conscious of how women could get raped and still conceive, have sex once a month and get knocked up and such. I was beginning to turn into a sadist.

By end-2005, my status was convincingly replaced as Active TTC as compared to the previous Passive TTC.

2006

In 2006, V made me meet Dr. AB again and there was some general counselling. There was just a casual round of me-and-hubby-staying-apart-causing-no-babies-to-form. Nobody expected me to be anything but a rabbit in the fertility department. In June 2006, I shifted to G to be with DH. I took a break from employment for a while.

G is a less advanced city than City I in several regards. In City I, I had access to V and good medical facilities, but no sperms. In G, I had access to sperms but no V and insufficient medical facilities.

I began my doctor search in G, by being a smart ass. I found a gynaecologist, Dr. MA who had a clinic very close to my residence. My first appointment with her was also my last. It irked me that she did not think much of my previous efforts. All the different reports and everything were ash for her. That was it.

V did not know about who the leading doctors here were. She enlisted the help of one of her old college mates, thinking that the lady could send us to a good place. We were referred to Dr. PG by V’s friend. I liked PG, but travelling to her hospital was inconvenient. But anyways, we started our visits there. This is the point where the joy of timed sex really kicked in. My vocabulary about body mechanisms also expanded. I think we completed two unsuccessful cycles there.

The cycling would have continued, if not for… I used to phone up before I went to meet PG. We were in mid-cycle, fast approaching the hot moment of supposed ovulation, when I phoned up to enquire for an ultrasound that day. PG told me to not come and directed me to Dr. SS.

I later came to know that PG did not have a license for keeping an ultrasound machine and there had been a raid and the machine got confiscated by authorities. I rushed to Dr. SS’s clinic for the ultrasound. My nerves were frazzled. I was still trying to adjust to the distances and road conditions of G.

That cycle was a bummer, but I was irritated. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of continued irritation. Dr. SS was having a mood swing that time and after a particularly rude response from her, I stopped going to her.

I was introduced to another Doctor, Dr. SB who I had to meet just once to convincingly rule out as my doctor. She was sugar-coated, but shallow and unprofessional.

Anyways, another one of my mother’s chums, Dr. T was running a pathology lab in G. He referred us to Dr. AV. Initially, I felt comfortable at AV’s centre. It appeared to be clean and talked of Test tube babies and such. Of course, I did not think of having to go to the point of IVF then. AV had her own ultrasound machine as well, and a licensed one at that. My first IUI happened there.

I remember lying on this OT table where I was asked to spread my legs and then AV did the IUI. She had a nurse helping her out. AV asked me if I ever had had got something done (she wanted to know if I had ever got an abortion). I replied in a No, but she was not convinced. Something about my cervix was flipping her. All I remember was that she did not have much trouble in overcoming the length of my love canal.

It was also the first of many cycles that I spent on Duphaston. The cycle blew in my face.

I could not take the failure. I was meant to be pregnant already. I did not deserve this.

2007

I bailed out and spoke to my mother. By that time, 2007 was already the year on everybody’s calendar for close to two months. In the early part of the year itself, I went back to City I, where my mother got an appointment for me with Dr. AB again.

By that time, this one word I had begun to recognize through repetitive use– retroversion. Dr. AB also took a deep peek through my other end and it was she who first talked about how difficult it was for her to visualize my uterus. My cervix was not easy to navigate. And then I recalled how Dr. AV had just cruised in, and refused to believe that I really have never elected to end a pregnancy at all.

So, another IUI took place. Dr. AB felt that my uterus was deviant and seemed to be adherent to the right ovary.

With that much information in hand, and not too many leaves from the office, I returned back to G. The IUI turned to be a cropper.

Another IUI happened and it was not a rage with my uterus either.

V came visiting in April or May. She also had a plan to find out what else was or could be wrong. So, she borrowed the medical facilities from somebody here to conduct a HSG. There was free spill and the tubes were clear. That was a relief.

V told me that the uterus was still retroverted and she had an urge to correct it during the HSG, but resisted because nothing was known about what were causing the adhesions on the right side and spirited activity and unplanned tugging could increase adhesions.

Dr. T did a run-up of the family history and any medical conditions that had got skipped. In the suggested course of action, a series of tests including a Mantoux test – standard for TB diagnosis, was performed. Bullseye! The test report read ‘Dubious’. A Chest X-ray ruled out TB of the lungs.

The good news was that the disease appeared to be latent. I started a six month course of anti-Koch’s. I started reaping the joyous fruits of the medication. B-Complex supplements could not really prevent me from developing mouth sores.

Thanks to the medicines, I used to have great pain in my knees and some finger joints, especially after having been sitting for a while or after sleeping. And there was a psychological element too involved. I was aware of why I was taking the medication. I lived in a TB heavy country. Almost anybody could have been me. But it had to be me.

2008

Anyways, I got over the medication. January 2008 was when I had the laparoscopy. My uterus was ‘freed’ and the adhesions were taken care of. The right ovary appeared to have developed a chocolate cyst and it was pierced and the fluid drained.

That cycle after my lap, I had one of the heaviest periods ever. I soaked my undies, clothes and bed sheets and bled like no other cycle was ever to appear.

I was over the TB. My HSG came out great and laparoscopy had done away with the cyst. But I still did not conceive.

One aspect here was that I was being administered drugs to induce ovulation. That is queer, because I was ovulating unaided anyways. Secondly, meeting and coordinating with Dr. AB was strenuous. I was based in G and she was in City I and I had to constantly make overnight journeys to meet her for appointments.

I was starting to turn sour.

I got over my dislike for Dr. SS and started visiting her for ovulation studies and even more timed sex. My ovulation study would happen in G and then I would travel to City I when the time was approaching.

March 2008, was my fourth and final IUI. I was filled with seething rage after it went down the gutter. I remember having shot off a letter to V informing her that I had lost all interest in ever having children.

Anyways, I begun rounds of a different doc here in May 2008, a lady by the name of Dr. KD. This much is clear that if I ever get pregnant, I would use her for routine OB/GYN check-ups. She also had an independent set-up and I finally thought that I had the best shot with her, if I stuck around in G.

She was the first to send me for E2 and LH bloodwork. All the tests that came back showed no problem. Since February 2008, it was being reported that the cyst in my right ovary had recurred. It was a stable size.

Anyways, Dr. KD also recommended me timed sex initially. But then she talked of having a second laparoscopy to remove the cyst. I was zapped. Around the same time, I had my D&C.

I was having fun with surgeries now. The cycle immediate to my D&C again had me spouting blood like a faucet when the periods arrived.

The next few cycles are a blur for me. V was scouting for somebody who had some solid clues as to what to do next. We identified factors and eliminated problems, yet I failed to conceive.

Around August-September I came to know that my SIL had conceived, and that too within three months of TTC. It was a jolt for me. That is how smooth it could have been for me as well.

September-October 2008 was my first meeting with the latest and finally my best shot doctors – DJ and SJ. Everything about them and what happened later is well documented in the blog. It was also with them that the cyst in my right ovary was aspirated. The contents of the cyst were not chocolate but a thick, viscous fluid that appeared to be purulent. Culture reports came sterile. Has it recurred? I am not eager to find out.

I have tried to mention all the medical professionals that I have enlisted to help me get to see those two pink lines. I am sure that my memory has certainly skipped a name here and there.

There are cycles and procedures mentioned here, with some reference to who asked me to do what.

What is not mentioned is how deep my frustration was at failure and how much hope was in me at the beginning of the cycle. How after every IUI, I was always too sure that I was pregnant. Duphaston/Susten had me fooled. When the laparoscopy was done, I thought that now that everything was ruled out nothing could stop me.

I really cannot describe how desperate I sometimes have been and how low I have swum. I can only produce bills and appointment cards and notes written about how mint-condition everything is turning out to be. After being to so many doctors, I know that if I ever tried IVF/ICSI again, I am going back to DJ and SJ in City I and I would streamline my follow-up check-ups here in G with Dr. KD. V would always remain my lighthouse. I have tasted the food on so many platters that nobody should dare tell me that I did not try hard enough.

2009

2009, I have stayed away from hospitals and clinics and doctors and pathology labs and probes and needles and tablets. Is my hunt over? I do not know. My journey continues.


^WiseGuy^