I am a freeze. Really!
What do you do at a funeral where a group of family members are crying, wailing for the departed and how much he will be missed? Women come around and hug the family members. I freeze. At least one runny nose and sniffle runs through the general gathering. From me? Zilch. I feel bad, but no tears arrive.
And I am the same person, who was sitting with the old man on Sunday (he died Monday night) morning, by his bedside when some emotion prompted me to have water in my eyes. I remembered November.
It happens so often. I am just about to lose control when I regain it. I could have cried well had I been alone. But lately I have never been lonely on opportune times. Or when I have been alone, I have never really had the same emotions hitting me.
Oh Well..
^WiseGuy^
What do you do at a funeral where a group of family members are crying, wailing for the departed and how much he will be missed? Women come around and hug the family members. I freeze. At least one runny nose and sniffle runs through the general gathering. From me? Zilch. I feel bad, but no tears arrive.
And I am the same person, who was sitting with the old man on Sunday (he died Monday night) morning, by his bedside when some emotion prompted me to have water in my eyes. I remembered November.
It happens so often. I am just about to lose control when I regain it. I could have cried well had I been alone. But lately I have never been lonely on opportune times. Or when I have been alone, I have never really had the same emotions hitting me.
Oh Well..
^WiseGuy^
so you have trouble crying in public? I only wish sometimes I had some control... every year I get worse. But truth be told I have no intention of stopping it actually, crying is very useful for art.
ReplyDeleteBut I'll not always cry at funerals. Or at least not all the time. It also has to do with our views on death itself.
this is a dumb question, i know, but are you ok?
ReplyDeleteI can relate.
ReplyDeleteDo you wish you could cry? There have been so many times I wish I could turn it off, and not have my emotions showing for everyone to see. But, I guess if you're not crying, they can ASSUME, that they know what you're feeling, also.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your pain.
oh my gosh, i have problems with this as well. someone very close to me died almost two years ago and i've never cried about it, it's so weird!
ReplyDeleteI often find the triggers I expect - and therefore plan for - do nothing. BUT, those unexpected random send-you-back moments can't be planned for, hence tears.
ReplyDeleteIf you are able - just allow them when they do come.
xoxo