I have been feeling very off-the-hook for the past few days. I am not really grinding myself with the who, why me or how of my infertility. Can I call it subfertility (it feels better and that is how one of my doc files recites my case)?
There is something gnawing at me and I am seeking some closure for it. Nancy wrote a beautiful comment for me on a previous post. Though it singed to read it initially, I have to thank her for being resolute and pointing out facts rather than just core-cushioning me. And though I did not write much of a response to her beyond a sheer ~Thank You~, she gave me a lot of food for thought. So here it is:
For me any later pregnancy and resulting children will not be 4, 5 or 6. I believe my babies are destined for my womb only. And so those who went away will come back to me again eventually. I am at peace, for now!
^WiseGuy^
There is something gnawing at me and I am seeking some closure for it. Nancy wrote a beautiful comment for me on a previous post. Though it singed to read it initially, I have to thank her for being resolute and pointing out facts rather than just core-cushioning me. And though I did not write much of a response to her beyond a sheer ~Thank You~, she gave me a lot of food for thought. So here it is:
I believe I was pregnant. And that my beta was tested after the levels started falling, hence the BFN.
For me any later pregnancy and resulting children will not be 4, 5 or 6. I believe my babies are destined for my womb only. And so those who went away will come back to me again eventually. I am at peace, for now!
^WiseGuy^
And that is all you need to know that. I am 100% behind your decision.
ReplyDeleteBut only about the fact you were pregnant. I don't think that means your babies are only destined for your womb. I think there is a lot more to discover before you can make that kind of statement.
~hugs~
(and I'm really sorry what I said stung in anyway. I certainly didn't mean to make you sad.)
I think you have to find your peace in any way that you can and whatever you decide will be just right for you. I also think that if you feel the need to mourn something then even the hope of the dream of the wish of a baby is enough.
ReplyDeletexxx
I'm so glad you feel peacful about your perspective. So much of what we experience during and after loss is OUR perspective and we have to give ourselves permission to believe it.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I am so glad that you are feeling a sense of relief/peace. I know that sometimes during times like this it can be fleeting, so please savor it when you can.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you....
glad to hear you are feeling a little more at peace.
ReplyDeleteon a completely unrelated note, you must look at the comment this john guy left on my "guess who's sick of going to the doctor" post. i wanted to murder him, and then this morning i was reading someone else's blog who is on my blog roll, and he left the EXACT same message on hers. such a jerk.
finding peace with what happened is a wonderful way to be enable you to move on to whatever you decide next.
ReplyDeleteI believe that if you have a baby destined to you, it may be take a few attempts, but at one point it will come.
I think all of us will find peace in this journey. It's just a matter of when and how. Infertility is so unique that we have to deal it our own way.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs, peace and love to you during this holidays.
((((hugs))))
I have to say in some ways, I feel like the pregnancy I have is the same soul that was trying to come through last time.
ReplyDeleteBest of Luck. ICLW.
Hello everyone...I did not edit my previous posts or their titles ad everything else. I wrote a BFN for my IVFw/ICSI results.
ReplyDeleteI had a talk with my doc on Sunday evening and she has confirmed that it was a natural miscarriage. It is a bittersweet experience for me and I still cannot fully comprehend the force of my emotions. It is bitter because I have lost my babies.
It is sweet - I want to scream off my rooftop and tell the world that I did did did get pregnant and I can can can get pregnant. And what I felt so deeply in my soul was so true and that medical science caught up with me so late!
I could possibly post this separately...Maybe, I do not know!