My Lady of the Lantern

Attended an engagement party of someone from hubby's office last night.  We had finished dinner, and I was standing with Figlia when this woman who was also an invitee, came over for a chat.  'Is she your daughter?' , she enquired. When I answered yes, she commented that I looked too old for a daughter that young.  ' Umm ya, I had children late' , I said.  And the woman nodded her head as if she understood what I was saying.  I told DH when we were coming back, and he couldn't quite believe that I was grilled that way.  I felt very violated at the way I was "interviewed", and I gave no additional information, and just got away as I fast I could, but I am really noticing a change in me. A couple of years back, I would have also possibly shared my IF history.  No more now.

Figlia has picked up a cough.  She and I spent a good Sunday afternoon at a local fair, and she finally graduated to the bigger rides, and I was so happy.  We are having nanny woes. Gracy has become inconsistent, and recently resorted to lying to cover up for coming late in the morning. I eventually see Figlia going to daycare full time (currently M is in daycare and Figlia stays home after school with the nanny), or if we are lucky maybe another good nanny will come along.  When I was a teenager, I was very short tempered. I see that returning. When I get angry, I literally radiate heat.  M yesterday threw a tantrum because he did not want me to come inside the house (he had banished me to the dark dungeon that is the parking lot). I did come in, and ignored his crying, but seriously, I can laugh about this only today.  I used up the last week or so,  watching several movies (Hus.h; Strande.d Minds.cape; The Visit.ant; The Ope.n Door) ...

M: I did not him get the balloon that the store guy hasn't kept for selling. M: Because he was reprimanded for thwacking Figlia with his toy dumper. M: We are forcing him to wear clothes (every.single.day.tantrum!). M: M was scolded for intentionally spitting mouthful of water on Figlia's bed. (Mister sipped from his glass in the living room, walked up to the bedroom, stood on Figlia's bed and spitted the water) M: He is not being allowed to suck his shoe. M: I shampooed his hair.

Wow...it feels like the first month of 2017 zipped by pretty fast.  We came very close to changing our current residence in January, but things stalled that plan.  M has firmly entered the wonderful phase of terrible - twos, and I think I should do another round of "Reasons M is Crying". Mostly, there is a daily meltdown over wearing clothes post-bathing. Figlia hated being asked to come out of the water, and she came out only when she wanted to. M has no qualms when asked to come out of the water, but he hates to be dressed after that.  M is also a finicky eater, and that stresses me so much.  Figlia finished a round of immunizations (the 5 year ones), and I am glad she is now done for another three years. Doctor is recommending Swi.ne Flu shot for her, but she had an allergic reaction the last time it was given to her, so I am skeptical about that. 

Last week, Figlia turned 5.  And L turned 6. And then when 16th came, it was her death anniversary, and there is this strange feeling that creeps up on me every single time. On 14th, I become observing of her birth, and then when 16th happens it is as if, I am jolted hard out of that birthday reverie. 

~~TMI ahead~~ M is sick again. He has a cold and cough that he has duly passed on to Figlia and me. And there is middle of the night projectile vomiting. And fever. And I am just done with washing 'that' kind of laundry.

##TMI ahead## ...was a disaster. We went out for dinner at a city hotel. It was a buffet meal.  M was hungry and began pulling at the table cloth as soon as we were seated. Once he ate a bit, he calmed down enough to stop being angry at things.  Figlia on the other hand, would like her hands clean as soon as she decides she is done. So, she took what she wanted, and then decided she was done, and wanted to have her hands washed. DH took her to the washroom.  DH and I had only managed to have soup, and starters.  M was already moving around in the restaurant, and in the mood to get out of the place.  I had already been out into the lobby and the hotel basement where there was a party going on.  We came back, but M wasn't settling down. Figlia then announced that she wanted to poop. DH asked her if it was urgent, and she said No. By this time, M was already out of the restaurant, and because Figlia was done with dinner...